[he steps back, and she like, follows him. she doesn't need polite space it's fine. she stands close, and even though he can't really feel her and she can't touch him, she still gently reaches for him, hand on his arm as best as she can.]
[ he can lean against the tree and she can be as close as possible and even if he can't feel the contact, knowing it's there is nice. ]
I'm...you know. Dealing. Last week of this game, right? Figured that's the best anybody can ask for. [ he is not sure he feels like dumping all of his emotions on the floor right now when he's not sure how long he gets to keep shenhe. ]
What about you though? Your letters...kind of had me a little worried about how things have been after your mission.
[she's going to flicker in and out of existence here and there sometimes, visually, but it's fine. as long as he's got his open your senses menu open she's here.
there's a pause, when he asks that. and then, a flicker of her thoughts, and it's the sound of running on sand, with a fuzzy image of an axe cutting through someone wearing all black, and she looks away.]
I've been alright. [...] Both Rang and Fei Du made sure that I didn't lose my mind entirely.
[ yeah his senses are pinned wide the fuck open my guy.
at the sudden sound and the image his eyes widen just a little before he glances away. right. privacy. ]
...that's good. I'm glad. It's...been hard for everybody, so it's good to know you still had people on your end that could help you through stuff like that.
I have experienced a lot. [...] I decided that I wasn't going to wear my ropes when I died. So far, I have been okay. Sometimes I still feel violent, but it has been easier and easier to control.
[she glances at him.] Did you have people helping you? Your letters to me made it seem like you didn't always, and I was angry about it.
[she may have gotten herself in trouble because of it but it's fine she doesn't regret that.]
I was wondering. I...noticed they were gone, but I wasn't sure how to ask. But that's good. That's great, actually...being able to learn to control it is good progress. [ he's proud, to say the least. ] I think it's easier with time to learn when it's okay to be angry and how to manage it.
[ but...ah. um... ]
...it's fine. A lot of that was me not asking and not wanting to ask because there were too many other things happening, you know? My team and I had each other. That was important. [ until all of the stuff about certain members of his team kept circulating and all of the things about livio hit, at least. ]
It's not that. [ not really. jonas can address his feelings fine, usually, but. ] I don't know. I just don't think it's fair to put this kind of stuff on other people in this situation because everybody's struggling. I shouldn't have to make sure people are helping me when I want to help people instead.
I'm not. [she says, with a tilt of her head.] Struggling, I mean.
Being here has been very good for me, actually. I think that all of the living suffered far more than I did. [she kind of feels bad saying this but like. eh. you know.] The only thing I am angry about now is Wolfwood being annoyed with me because I sent Livio a mean message.
Ah. Yeah, he mentioned that someone wanted their team to kill him. Know that it was you, I'm less surprised nothing came of it. Wolfwood or Vash wouldn't go for it though.
I can understand that. I'm pretty sure Simon would have loved to know I'd been caught for what we did to him. [ he is worried about setsu, of course. ] The necessities of this game have been pretty messed up when you think about it. It's a game that asks us to put a value on people's lives and which deaths are most important.
[ there's a huff at that because that's very. shenhe. ]
Why, because they framed him for what happened to Lambda? I feel like he doesn't have a leg to stand on since he then turned around and killed his own teammate.
... I won't tell you to be nice to him. [because he does suck. but also that's her blorbo, unfortunately.] I think he'd be mad at me if I did, actually.
I'll be honest. I don't understand most of how these murders happened, and I'm not sure if I want to. Maybe it was specifically to frame Simon and throw them off. Maybe it was convenient. I know for a while some of us weren't sure if it was yours or not, too. That whole trial was a mess.
[ he takes a moment to stare into space, wondering if he wants to hear the details of how one friend was brutally killed by another friend. ]
...if you want to talk about it because it still bothers you, I'm happy to listen. I know it can be...hard, really, to cope with things like this when you're still trying to process how it all went down and why it had to happen. You and Lambda dying was the first time we ever had more than one victim, too.
It doesn't bother me. Or - well. The fact that I lost bothers me.
[she's so fuckin' mad she lost to a frog who doesn't even know how to use a sword properly
but like, emotionally, she's kind of fine with how it happened. she's never been afraid of death, and she's had a bit to get over the worst of it. anything that still remains is less bad than it was, because she's been able to talk to her team. a pause, as she watches him, and then maybe a bit abruptly:]
I think that you are trying very hard to take care of me when I'd rather take care of you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's alright. [she doesn't mind.] Don't apologize.
How are you doing?
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I'm...you know. Dealing. Last week of this game, right? Figured that's the best anybody can ask for. [ he is not sure he feels like dumping all of his emotions on the floor right now when he's not sure how long he gets to keep shenhe. ]
What about you though? Your letters...kind of had me a little worried about how things have been after your mission.
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there's a pause, when he asks that. and then, a flicker of her thoughts, and it's the sound of running on sand, with a fuzzy image of an axe cutting through someone wearing all black, and she looks away.]
I've been alright. [...] Both Rang and Fei Du made sure that I didn't lose my mind entirely.
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at the sudden sound and the image his eyes widen just a little before he glances away. right. privacy. ]
...that's good. I'm glad. It's...been hard for everybody, so it's good to know you still had people on your end that could help you through stuff like that.
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I have experienced a lot. [...] I decided that I wasn't going to wear my ropes when I died. So far, I have been okay. Sometimes I still feel violent, but it has been easier and easier to control.
[she glances at him.] Did you have people helping you? Your letters to me made it seem like you didn't always, and I was angry about it.
[she may have gotten herself in trouble because of it but it's fine she doesn't regret that.]
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I was wondering. I...noticed they were gone, but I wasn't sure how to ask. But that's good. That's great, actually...being able to learn to control it is good progress. [ he's proud, to say the least. ] I think it's easier with time to learn when it's okay to be angry and how to manage it.
[ but...ah. um... ]
...it's fine. A lot of that was me not asking and not wanting to ask because there were too many other things happening, you know? My team and I had each other. That was important. [ until all of the stuff about certain members of his team kept circulating and all of the things about livio hit, at least. ]
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You can be honest with me about how you felt, Jonas. But if you'd rather not talk through it, I understand.
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Being here has been very good for me, actually. I think that all of the living suffered far more than I did. [she kind of feels bad saying this but like. eh. you know.] The only thing I am angry about now is Wolfwood being annoyed with me because I sent Livio a mean message.
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but he does tilt his head a little at that before he gets too far. he'll revisit the rest in a moment. ]
...what did you say to Livio?
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[so. it was kind of mean, but she was kind of mad.]
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No. They wouldn't. [and a distant thought: If he had killed me, they would have let him go. They let Gerard go, too.]
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Yes. Not as much as I was. [...] It was necessary. But I wasn't sad to see Gerard be executed.
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Simon hates Froggystyle more than he hates all of you, you know.
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Why, because they framed him for what happened to Lambda? I feel like he doesn't have a leg to stand on since he then turned around and killed his own teammate.
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... I won't tell you to be nice to him. [because he does suck. but also that's her blorbo, unfortunately.] I think he'd be mad at me if I did, actually.
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I don't really have anything to say to him. So that won't be a problem.
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Anyway. Yes. Because of the framing. [a little shrug.] I don't really understand why the ice was there.
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I was nowhere near Lambda that night, at the very least. I was surprised to see her when I woke up.
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...if you want to talk about it because it still bothers you, I'm happy to listen. I know it can be...hard, really, to cope with things like this when you're still trying to process how it all went down and why it had to happen. You and Lambda dying was the first time we ever had more than one victim, too.
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[she's so fuckin' mad she lost to a frog who doesn't even know how to use a sword properly
but like, emotionally, she's kind of fine with how it happened. she's never been afraid of death, and she's had a bit to get over the worst of it. anything that still remains is less bad than it was, because she's been able to talk to her team. a pause, as she watches him, and then maybe a bit abruptly:]
I think that you are trying very hard to take care of me when I'd rather take care of you.
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