[ there's a huff at that because that's very. shenhe. ]
Why, because they framed him for what happened to Lambda? I feel like he doesn't have a leg to stand on since he then turned around and killed his own teammate.
... I won't tell you to be nice to him. [because he does suck. but also that's her blorbo, unfortunately.] I think he'd be mad at me if I did, actually.
I'll be honest. I don't understand most of how these murders happened, and I'm not sure if I want to. Maybe it was specifically to frame Simon and throw them off. Maybe it was convenient. I know for a while some of us weren't sure if it was yours or not, too. That whole trial was a mess.
[ he takes a moment to stare into space, wondering if he wants to hear the details of how one friend was brutally killed by another friend. ]
...if you want to talk about it because it still bothers you, I'm happy to listen. I know it can be...hard, really, to cope with things like this when you're still trying to process how it all went down and why it had to happen. You and Lambda dying was the first time we ever had more than one victim, too.
It doesn't bother me. Or - well. The fact that I lost bothers me.
[she's so fuckin' mad she lost to a frog who doesn't even know how to use a sword properly
but like, emotionally, she's kind of fine with how it happened. she's never been afraid of death, and she's had a bit to get over the worst of it. anything that still remains is less bad than it was, because she's been able to talk to her team. a pause, as she watches him, and then maybe a bit abruptly:]
I think that you are trying very hard to take care of me when I'd rather take care of you.
If there's anything that I have learned while being dead, constantly helping others without helping yourself leads to violent outbursts and setting things on fire.
She is smart. [ the look on his face is slightly softer, but also slightly annoyed. ] Even if she's not always great at listening to certain things.
[ but...that gets him to laugh a little. ]
I don't know if I'm quite there yet, especially since I don't have access to Pyro. But I get what you're saying. Bottling stuff isn't great. I know that.
[she tilts her head at him like she's asking him the same question, but he says he's not sure where to start, and she settles a little closer. she can't touch him, but she still wants to be close.]
Do you want to talk about how you felt in your letters? I know that isn't easy, when it's face to face.
[ he doesn't mind that she's closer, even if he does look a little conflicted about the question. ]
...I don't think most of how I felt has changed. Maybe the intensity, or what the focus is, but most of it is the same. I still feel like there hasn't been a good solution to most of what's going on or what's happened. Most of it still feels like "here are these explanations and a potential solution, but nothing can change what happened." Which makes sense. You can't actually change the past.
But it also feels kind of shitty to know that when it's questionable how much of the future we can change either. Does that make sense?
You're like the second or third person who has told me this. But you're easier to believe than some of the others. [ mostly because it's shenhe and he still has a bias.
the question throws him off a little though. ]
...you mean besides whatever home's supposed to be? Yeah, maybe. It's...I mean we've been dead this long. Not going back won't really change anything anyway. It's not like I was really home for the last several months before this happened either. [ and yet. ] I'd rather send Alex somewhere else though if it could only be one of us.
[she doesn't see the point, a lot. so - maybe that's why it's easier, she thinks.]
... I will not ask more about Alex, because it isn't my business. I'd like her to tell me more, if she would. But. [she glances at jonas.] If there is a way to bring you and Alex somewhere, then you can come with me.
I know you don't. That's the whole point. [ that was the whole reaeson he and shenhe got along.
he doesn't seem to care if it's alex's business or not, he's still mad. ]
We had talked about it. If we could visit other places. She said Teyvat was the world she'd want to go to most. She had talked about Sumeru, but she told me what she saw of Liyue. [ ... ] The offer is appreciated. I don't know what she'd say. I'm not sure I care. I'd want her to go.
[a little nod. sumeru is honestly probably the nicest place for teenagers to live in, and shenhe thinks - if she makes it back, if they can make this work, she'll spend a lot of time there, too. liyue is her home, but she loves kaveh and nahida enough to leave the mountains.]
Nahida would find you both a home. I could speak with Lady Ningguang, or have the Traveler do so. [...] There are a lot of people that I hope to offer this to, but you and Alex were always at the top of the list.
[ mm...this makes sense, he thinks. he doesn't say anything for a moment, seemingly thinking this over. ]
...it's. Um. It's a nice offer. Thanks, Shenhe. [ but... ] Would that overcomplicate things? Going somewhere completely different. I don't even know how we'd accomplish doing it in the first place, it was just...you know, like a dream? Or a thought or. Whatever. Whatever you want to call it, just a thing you think about sometimes when shit absolutely sucks and nothing seems like it'll actually change even when we do win the game.
[ he seems to think he's talking too much though and he goes quiet again. ]
...the point is. I appreciate it and I know she would, too.
... Hm. [she hesitates, and then sighs. watches him, like - she wants to say something else, and then changes her mind.]
I think. [she starts, tucking her hair behind her ear.] I think that happiness is easier to reach than you're assuming. Like I said - I wouldn't entertain the thought if I knew that it would only hurt to think about.
... You'll be alright, Jonas. She will too. I'm going to make sure of it.
...I don't doubt you, so don't take it like that. But if it doesn't happen for one reason or another, I won't be upset and I won't blame you. [ the thing about it is, yeah, he wants to believe it's possible but also he is used to disappointment of various degrees. ]
If anything though, I'd like you to prioritize your happiness first. No matter what happens to me and Alex it'll be...whatever's supposed to happen. I guess. You just mentioned there's a lot of people you'd like to offer this to, so if there's a limitation, focus on those people, too.
well he is. himself. so. he is focusing on the first thing before he'll go back to the second. ]
...whatever it is you want to say, Shenhe, you may as well come out with it. It'll be easier for both of us. [ but he does give her a tiny grin. it's fine? ]
...understandable. There's still a lot to do and a lot we need to be careful about. I don't blame you for still being cautious. [ and now...to the second. ] Does it bother you that people are dedicated to their duty?
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Why, because they framed him for what happened to Lambda? I feel like he doesn't have a leg to stand on since he then turned around and killed his own teammate.
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... I won't tell you to be nice to him. [because he does suck. but also that's her blorbo, unfortunately.] I think he'd be mad at me if I did, actually.
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I don't really have anything to say to him. So that won't be a problem.
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Anyway. Yes. Because of the framing. [a little shrug.] I don't really understand why the ice was there.
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I was nowhere near Lambda that night, at the very least. I was surprised to see her when I woke up.
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...if you want to talk about it because it still bothers you, I'm happy to listen. I know it can be...hard, really, to cope with things like this when you're still trying to process how it all went down and why it had to happen. You and Lambda dying was the first time we ever had more than one victim, too.
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[she's so fuckin' mad she lost to a frog who doesn't even know how to use a sword properly
but like, emotionally, she's kind of fine with how it happened. she's never been afraid of death, and she's had a bit to get over the worst of it. anything that still remains is less bad than it was, because she's been able to talk to her team. a pause, as she watches him, and then maybe a bit abruptly:]
I think that you are trying very hard to take care of me when I'd rather take care of you.
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the abrupt shift startles him, visibly so, and he blinks for a few moments. ]
...I think that is probably just second nature? [ why is that a question. ] Sorry. Um. Alex kind of got on my case about that too recently.
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[huff.]
If there's anything that I have learned while being dead, constantly helping others without helping yourself leads to violent outbursts and setting things on fire.
[ok well maybe that's just you but]
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[ but...that gets him to laugh a little. ]
I don't know if I'm quite there yet, especially since I don't have access to Pyro. But I get what you're saying. Bottling stuff isn't great. I know that.
[ then why do you do it, jonas. ]
...I don't know where to start, I guess.
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Do you want to talk about how you felt in your letters? I know that isn't easy, when it's face to face.
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...I don't think most of how I felt has changed. Maybe the intensity, or what the focus is, but most of it is the same. I still feel like there hasn't been a good solution to most of what's going on or what's happened. Most of it still feels like "here are these explanations and a potential solution, but nothing can change what happened." Which makes sense. You can't actually change the past.
But it also feels kind of shitty to know that when it's questionable how much of the future we can change either. Does that make sense?
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It does. [...] I think that you should be optimistic about the future. I wouldn't tell you this if I thought that it wasn't worth it.
[a pause.] If you could go somewhere else after all this, Jonas, would you?
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You're like the second or third person who has told me this. But you're easier to believe than some of the others. [ mostly because it's shenhe and he still has a bias.
the question throws him off a little though. ]
...you mean besides whatever home's supposed to be? Yeah, maybe. It's...I mean we've been dead this long. Not going back won't really change anything anyway. It's not like I was really home for the last several months before this happened either. [ and yet. ] I'd rather send Alex somewhere else though if it could only be one of us.
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[she doesn't see the point, a lot. so - maybe that's why it's easier, she thinks.]
... I will not ask more about Alex, because it isn't my business. I'd like her to tell me more, if she would. But. [she glances at jonas.] If there is a way to bring you and Alex somewhere, then you can come with me.
You don't have to. But I am offering.
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he doesn't seem to care if it's alex's business or not, he's still mad. ]
We had talked about it. If we could visit other places. She said Teyvat was the world she'd want to go to most. She had talked about Sumeru, but she told me what she saw of Liyue. [ ... ] The offer is appreciated. I don't know what she'd say. I'm not sure I care. I'd want her to go.
[ and he'd obviously go with her, in that case. ]
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Nahida would find you both a home. I could speak with Lady Ningguang, or have the Traveler do so. [...] There are a lot of people that I hope to offer this to, but you and Alex were always at the top of the list.
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...it's. Um. It's a nice offer. Thanks, Shenhe. [ but... ] Would that overcomplicate things? Going somewhere completely different. I don't even know how we'd accomplish doing it in the first place, it was just...you know, like a dream? Or a thought or. Whatever. Whatever you want to call it, just a thing you think about sometimes when shit absolutely sucks and nothing seems like it'll actually change even when we do win the game.
[ he seems to think he's talking too much though and he goes quiet again. ]
...the point is. I appreciate it and I know she would, too.
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... Hm. [she hesitates, and then sighs. watches him, like - she wants to say something else, and then changes her mind.]
I think. [she starts, tucking her hair behind her ear.] I think that happiness is easier to reach than you're assuming. Like I said - I wouldn't entertain the thought if I knew that it would only hurt to think about.
... You'll be alright, Jonas. She will too. I'm going to make sure of it.
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...I don't doubt you, so don't take it like that. But if it doesn't happen for one reason or another, I won't be upset and I won't blame you. [ the thing about it is, yeah, he wants to believe it's possible but also he is used to disappointment of various degrees. ]
If anything though, I'd like you to prioritize your happiness first. No matter what happens to me and Alex it'll be...whatever's supposed to happen. I guess. You just mentioned there's a lot of people you'd like to offer this to, so if there's a limitation, focus on those people, too.
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None of them will take it. [she's like. very sure of this.] Everybody is too dedicated to duty.
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well he is. himself. so. he is focusing on the first thing before he'll go back to the second. ]
...whatever it is you want to say, Shenhe, you may as well come out with it. It'll be easier for both of us. [ but he does give her a tiny grin. it's fine? ]
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I can't. There are still some things I can't tell you, even if we're able to speak again. [...] I don't want to ruin things. So I won't.
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...understandable. There's still a lot to do and a lot we need to be careful about. I don't blame you for still being cautious. [ and now...to the second. ] Does it bother you that people are dedicated to their duty?
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