shenhe is actually going to look for haru today, though it's like... later, in the night. she's still a little like, broken, after all that? so. there's no emotion from her right now other than just depression. just a tired, slow sadness.
he's out by the warehouses, and the emotion is bad. bad!! his feelings far outpace his expression; something just absolutely crushed, wave following wave of grief and guilt and frustration. he feels a little bad to add to her depression, feeling her shattered state of emotion for himself, but there's also not much he can do to stop it.
he slowly reaches for her hand, gently holding her fingers. hi. a little hoarsely, ]
[it's okay if he does. everybody today has been sad, and while it's a little overwhelming sometimes, she's getting used to it. at least it's something different than the slowly developing black hole.
when he takes her fingers, she stays where she is, gently stroking his hand with her thumb.]
They are. [she doesn't... know what to even say.] I thought I was prepared for the possibility. But I wasn't... it still feels like it isn't real.
[ holding her hand is such a gentle comfort compared to the flaming sword intro from not long ago. they've started anew, but it still surprises him how far apart the poles of her spirit are. ]
You can't brace yourself for that.
[ she seems to have it worse, but he's not very good with emotions either, and he knows this much is true. there is no real way to anticipate how bad the worst can feel. ]
I knew Matsui wasn't okay. And Rang kept—making stupid comments. [ about dying. and how doomed they were. ] There still should've been more time.
... I may have put that thought in his head. [she says, with a sigh.] On Friday, when I spoke to him... I knew how much Buzen meant to Matsui. I was afraid that the culprit knew as well, and had planned to get ahead by wiping out a team in one fell swoop. I expressed it to Rang.
And... I wonder. If I had kept that thought to myself, I wonder if they'd be here.
[this is her fate. her fate is always to bring ruin.
she looks at haru, heavy.]
... I haven't lost people I care about like this before. I don't understand how any of you have managed.
[ he's almost always softspoken, but there's urgency here. a little bit of desperation. ]
It feels worse because you think you helped cause it. And because it's fresh, but... guilt does that. [ obviously things were not so dire and insane back home in free!land, but he still speaks from some personal experience. ] It makes grief worse.
...Matsui was a victim of how much he loved Buzen. It wasn't what you said to Rang.
and then she nods. she can't exactly... just, you know. she can't just take that and internalize it right away. but she takes it, and she listens. and she squeezes haru's hand, just once.]
... Alright. [a beat.] Alright.
[it's all she can think to say, even as her chest aches.]
[ the one nice thing about downloading emotions straight from another person is that there doesn't need to be a ton of verbal communication. he's no good at talking anyway. listening is enough. understanding each other is enough.
he squeezes back, once, and resumes his loose hold after. ]
Sorry. You shouldn't know what this is like.
[ he hasn't exactly felt catastrophic grief before rin, either. it's a very new, raw emotion. ]
It wouldn't be this hard, if being on different teams really made us enemies.
It is difficult to think of any of you as enemies, different team or not.
[there are a couple of people she dislikes, because it'd be impossible to like everybody for someone like her, but she doesn't think of any of them as enemies.
she keeps that loose hold.]
... You shouldn't know what this is like either. But at least we are not alone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w2, SATURDAY
shenhe is actually going to look for haru today, though it's like... later, in the night. she's still a little like, broken, after all that? so. there's no emotion from her right now other than just depression. just a tired, slow sadness.
she will hold out a hand to him? hi.]
no subject
he's out by the warehouses, and the emotion is bad. bad!! his feelings far outpace his expression; something just absolutely crushed, wave following wave of grief and guilt and frustration. he feels a little bad to add to her depression, feeling her shattered state of emotion for himself, but there's also not much he can do to stop it.
he slowly reaches for her hand, gently holding her fingers. hi. a little hoarsely, ]
They're really gone.
no subject
when he takes her fingers, she stays where she is, gently stroking his hand with her thumb.]
They are. [she doesn't... know what to even say.] I thought I was prepared for the possibility. But I wasn't... it still feels like it isn't real.
no subject
You can't brace yourself for that.
[ she seems to have it worse, but he's not very good with emotions either, and he knows this much is true. there is no real way to anticipate how bad the worst can feel. ]
I knew Matsui wasn't okay. And Rang kept—making stupid comments. [ about dying. and how doomed they were. ] There still should've been more time.
no subject
... I may have put that thought in his head. [she says, with a sigh.] On Friday, when I spoke to him... I knew how much Buzen meant to Matsui. I was afraid that the culprit knew as well, and had planned to get ahead by wiping out a team in one fell swoop. I expressed it to Rang.
And... I wonder. If I had kept that thought to myself, I wonder if they'd be here.
[this is her fate. her fate is always to bring ruin.
she looks at haru, heavy.]
... I haven't lost people I care about like this before. I don't understand how any of you have managed.
no subject
It's not your fault.
[ he's almost always softspoken, but there's urgency here. a little bit of desperation. ]
It feels worse because you think you helped cause it. And because it's fresh, but... guilt does that. [ obviously things were not so dire and insane back home in free!land, but he still speaks from some personal experience. ] It makes grief worse.
...Matsui was a victim of how much he loved Buzen. It wasn't what you said to Rang.
no subject
and then she nods. she can't exactly... just, you know. she can't just take that and internalize it right away. but she takes it, and she listens. and she squeezes haru's hand, just once.]
... Alright. [a beat.] Alright.
[it's all she can think to say, even as her chest aches.]
no subject
he squeezes back, once, and resumes his loose hold after. ]
Sorry. You shouldn't know what this is like.
[ he hasn't exactly felt catastrophic grief before rin, either. it's a very new, raw emotion. ]
It wouldn't be this hard, if being on different teams really made us enemies.
no subject
[there are a couple of people she dislikes, because it'd be impossible to like everybody for someone like her, but she doesn't think of any of them as enemies.
she keeps that loose hold.]
... You shouldn't know what this is like either. But at least we are not alone.