... I may have put that thought in his head. [she says, with a sigh.] On Friday, when I spoke to him... I knew how much Buzen meant to Matsui. I was afraid that the culprit knew as well, and had planned to get ahead by wiping out a team in one fell swoop. I expressed it to Rang.
And... I wonder. If I had kept that thought to myself, I wonder if they'd be here.
[this is her fate. her fate is always to bring ruin.
she looks at haru, heavy.]
... I haven't lost people I care about like this before. I don't understand how any of you have managed.
[ he's almost always softspoken, but there's urgency here. a little bit of desperation. ]
It feels worse because you think you helped cause it. And because it's fresh, but... guilt does that. [ obviously things were not so dire and insane back home in free!land, but he still speaks from some personal experience. ] It makes grief worse.
...Matsui was a victim of how much he loved Buzen. It wasn't what you said to Rang.
and then she nods. she can't exactly... just, you know. she can't just take that and internalize it right away. but she takes it, and she listens. and she squeezes haru's hand, just once.]
... Alright. [a beat.] Alright.
[it's all she can think to say, even as her chest aches.]
[ the one nice thing about downloading emotions straight from another person is that there doesn't need to be a ton of verbal communication. he's no good at talking anyway. listening is enough. understanding each other is enough.
he squeezes back, once, and resumes his loose hold after. ]
Sorry. You shouldn't know what this is like.
[ he hasn't exactly felt catastrophic grief before rin, either. it's a very new, raw emotion. ]
It wouldn't be this hard, if being on different teams really made us enemies.
It is difficult to think of any of you as enemies, different team or not.
[there are a couple of people she dislikes, because it'd be impossible to like everybody for someone like her, but she doesn't think of any of them as enemies.
she keeps that loose hold.]
... You shouldn't know what this is like either. But at least we are not alone.
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no subject
... I may have put that thought in his head. [she says, with a sigh.] On Friday, when I spoke to him... I knew how much Buzen meant to Matsui. I was afraid that the culprit knew as well, and had planned to get ahead by wiping out a team in one fell swoop. I expressed it to Rang.
And... I wonder. If I had kept that thought to myself, I wonder if they'd be here.
[this is her fate. her fate is always to bring ruin.
she looks at haru, heavy.]
... I haven't lost people I care about like this before. I don't understand how any of you have managed.
no subject
It's not your fault.
[ he's almost always softspoken, but there's urgency here. a little bit of desperation. ]
It feels worse because you think you helped cause it. And because it's fresh, but... guilt does that. [ obviously things were not so dire and insane back home in free!land, but he still speaks from some personal experience. ] It makes grief worse.
...Matsui was a victim of how much he loved Buzen. It wasn't what you said to Rang.
no subject
and then she nods. she can't exactly... just, you know. she can't just take that and internalize it right away. but she takes it, and she listens. and she squeezes haru's hand, just once.]
... Alright. [a beat.] Alright.
[it's all she can think to say, even as her chest aches.]
no subject
he squeezes back, once, and resumes his loose hold after. ]
Sorry. You shouldn't know what this is like.
[ he hasn't exactly felt catastrophic grief before rin, either. it's a very new, raw emotion. ]
It wouldn't be this hard, if being on different teams really made us enemies.
no subject
[there are a couple of people she dislikes, because it'd be impossible to like everybody for someone like her, but she doesn't think of any of them as enemies.
she keeps that loose hold.]
... You shouldn't know what this is like either. But at least we are not alone.