[thanks buddy, she takes the wet wipe... she's not crying but there's probably blood still on her face.]
Surprised you how? [she's also really, really close to passing out - but it's alright. she's a bit worried. she wants to make sure that if he does, he's with someone who will watch out for him.
this is the most she's been like she was at the start in a while - flat and reserved, a little broken.]
Oh. Yes. [she just stares at him - you know how when you're so tired that you can't even focus and your brain just kind of splutters out and reality lags? that's how she feels. there's been too much]
I was too surprised to kick him. [she says, idly. also mood. and then:]
What do you think about today? [like she's just soliciting opinions about how she should feel about this]
... Yes. [she says, after a moment, looking away.] I miss them. Our mission made it worse. I can't sleep without dreaming of slaughtering them, and I had a brief moment where I thought that if I could just bring them here, it would stop, and...
[and she voted for them, even though the dead don't have a sway.]
It is better here. [she likes it so much more than the other side - the only good thing about the other side was the people.] I wish they were.
[she's jealous about that, sometimes. about how bdsm has all of their members here, about how there are some teams reunited in death. she's alone, and she feels that way - the people here have offered out their hands and she's taken as much as she can, but. there's that bond that she's missing.]
... Matsui killed me, the other night. [she says this like, so casually.] It felt nice, to not exist for a while.
Rang raises an eyebrow at that, but it's mostly from surprise, rather than disappointment or upset. He, of all people, knows how Shenhe felt that night, that even sleep alone wouldn't have solved their agony.]
...I was angry at Rin and D for dying, but I envied them too.
[she thinks about that, like... hard, like she really considers it.]
No. Not right now. [she's less absolutely fucked up. but she is still a little broken in the sense that she's a little more trigger-happy. like killing people is a mercy. like it's better than waking up and laughing, and laughing, and laughing, the way nahri does a little to the left and behind rang.
she's staring at her, instead of rang. staring at nothing.] Would you want to die?
[rang unfortunately recognizes this, these hallucinations aside -- he remembers his own behavior from the week rin died too. he eases a step closer, moving to block the view of whoever shenhe's looking at,]
I'm tempted to say yes. ...But it'll probably upset some people.
[not all though he's sure,]
I know I can ask you though, without you judging me for it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w5, SATURDAY
Rin surprised me.
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Surprised you how? [she's also really, really close to passing out - but it's alright. she's a bit worried. she wants to make sure that if he does, he's with someone who will watch out for him.
this is the most she's been like she was at the start in a while - flat and reserved, a little broken.]
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he decides to stand here with Shenhe instead, focusing on her,]
I was wondering what he was cursed with, but some reason liking blood didn't occur to me.
[he doesn't deliver it with his usual amusement though, just tired.]
I'm ready for this week to be over.
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I was too surprised to kick him. [she says, idly. also mood. and then:]
What do you think about today? [like she's just soliciting opinions about how she should feel about this]
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he looks at her for a moment, like he thinks he knows why she's asking, then]
I'm thinking about how they would have never caught Nahida if they didn't check for injuries. Our hangman really did their job for them.
[stop don't take credit for this,]
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They only checked because of the hint. [don't be rude they did a good job] I should have voted for her team.
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[immediately takes away the 3 points rang gave them, jk, or maybe srs? more importantly]
...Are you disappointed?
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... Yes. [she says, after a moment, looking away.] I miss them. Our mission made it worse. I can't sleep without dreaming of slaughtering them, and I had a brief moment where I thought that if I could just bring them here, it would stop, and...
[and she voted for them, even though the dead don't have a sway.]
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...I'd want that too, if it could make me stop dreaming.
[though he's luckier, that everyone he wants to see is here on this side with him,]
Even if they had die. It's not like this side is any different from theirs. Better actually, if they're free from that endless routine.
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It is better here. [she likes it so much more than the other side - the only good thing about the other side was the people.] I wish they were.
[she's jealous about that, sometimes. about how bdsm has all of their members here, about how there are some teams reunited in death. she's alone, and she feels that way - the people here have offered out their hands and she's taken as much as she can, but. there's that bond that she's missing.]
... Matsui killed me, the other night. [she says this like, so casually.] It felt nice, to not exist for a while.
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Rang raises an eyebrow at that, but it's mostly from surprise, rather than disappointment or upset. He, of all people, knows how Shenhe felt that night, that even sleep alone wouldn't have solved their agony.]
...I was angry at Rin and D for dying, but I envied them too.
[...]
What about now? Would you want to die again?
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No. Not right now. [she's less absolutely fucked up. but she is still a little broken in the sense that she's a little more trigger-happy. like killing people is a mercy. like it's better than waking up and laughing, and laughing, and laughing, the way nahri does a little to the left and behind rang.
she's staring at her, instead of rang. staring at nothing.] Would you want to die?
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I'm tempted to say yes. ...But it'll probably upset some people.
[not all though he's sure,]
I know I can ask you though, without you judging me for it.
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It would upset me if you didn't come back. But yes. [he can ask her.] If you wanted it, I would give it to you, and I wouldn't tell anybody. Anytime.
[without judgement.]