[i love it here deranged to deranged communication
rang is also still bloodied, though healed so he's not bleeding anymore, boomerang also clutched in his hands as he stands some distance away from the maid cafe, staring at the destruction and blood they were in just hours earlier. he shifts, turning to see Shenhe as she staggers toward him
and he immediately moves to, so he can meet her halfway,]
[i'm sorry about it but she really just - she just walks right up to him and presses her face against his shoulder. it's embarrassing and horrible and she'll pretend she never did this later but she really just kind of leans against him and holds on.
[as shenhe walks towards him, rang wonders -- they no longer have their weapons here, the boomerang in his hands foreign without its usual heft -- but he wouldn't stop her if she raised her axe, or if she grabbed him by the arms and shook him --
so when Shenhe slips in close, face against his shoulder like he's someone she can lean on, like he's someone she can trust -- he almost breaks, he almost falls. if he were a kind person, then he'd regret the shock they'd all left in their wake when they came back -- but he's not kind, no one there will ever understand. no one will understand like shenhe does, because she was there with him.]
...You stayed first.
[she could have left early on, children in tow. though knowing how the mission happened, something terrible would have probably occurred anyway. still. she could have left, but she didn't.]
[so - yeah. of course she did. she just stays where she is, for now. not hugging, not trying to get closer, just unsteadily standing there, bleeding sluggishly from all her wounds, trying not to collapse.]
It wasn't real. [she says, like she's reminding both of them. but - all of that, it wasn't real, maybe, but the fact that he knew she wanted to save nahri and wolfwood and he let her try means more than he will ever know.] But thank you.
he doesn't know how to be anyone's friend, but he feels like the friends Shenhe does have would have done a better job, maybe succeeded where they'd failed. but it doesn't hurt to hear her say that. he shifts his attention to the state she's in,]
rang immediately presses his hand on shenhe's back, inches from her arrow wound and concentrates -- she'll feel something soft and fluffy brushing her back, and the pain lessening,
he'll also concentrate on her other 5000 injuries? he knows she has them?]
Looks like we'll have to live through the night.
[rin and d... wow they're so lucky that they're DEAD]
she tenses, when he touches her, but it's instinct. he helps - her arrow wound closes and she can breathe a little better. her wounds stop bleeding, too, and mostly close up - her shoulder, side and abdomen, as well as the cut across her face. now she's just covered in blood from head to toe, which is it's own problem but not as pressing.
there's like. a little bit of despair that she feels when he speaks, because she kind of doesn't want to! tonight, she's kinning matsui. but instead of saying that, she nods, and he'll see her shoulders relax and her posture get less tense as she's healed.
she looks at him, finally, and when she does he'll also see that she's crying? but it's blood. she's crying blood, silently.]
Did... [she starts, and pauses, exhausted. try again.] Did you heal all of your own injuries?
[there is a visceral ripple of shock on his face when he sees Shenhe's face, eyes tracking the blood dripping from her eyes, aki really gave us these effects i can't stand it here, and then his eyes narrow in anger -- not directed at Shenhe, but because of the wringer they were all put through, and what exactly do they have to show for it?]
...Lambda healed me. [. . .and he thinks shenhe would understand why this upsets him too, that if he had a choice then he would have preferred to die too.]
[i know aki really said here's 42 status effects have fun
anyway, she'd mercy kill him if he wanted it? let's take ibupofen together meme only it's die instead.
she looks confused for a second, and then she reaches up to touch her face. she's got a bunch of blood splatters from the children she murdered all over her face so it's kind of hard to tell the difference between that and the tears, but she gets the idea when she finds that it's fresh.
a pause. she hiccups.]
Um. [it is! a new development!] Since we returned. It shouldn't be blood.
the way they are still bloodied like walking petri dishes of contamination, rang looks down at his clothes but there is not even a square inch of fabric he can offer her? he'll start walking towards the cafe,]
Come on.
[he's heading straight to the kitchen and getting some water and a washcloth for shenhe, of which he'll offer her. they are tracking more blood into this cafe -- that's fine,
he probably passes by the little shoydastian plushie still on the floor]
[she follows, easily enough. she is distant but that's probably for understandable reasons that he knows.
she'll keep up with him - but she will stop for half a step because she wants to pick up shoydastian, carefully. she doesn't want to get blood on him, so she holds him very gingerly, but. she has him!
and then she goes into the kitchen with her horse friend and takes the washcloth, staring at it for a second before wiping her face. she stares at it again with a furrowed brow and then turns, grabs another washcloth, wets it, and hands it to him. yes. helping.]
[at any other time, he'd laugh -- if he was his normal self. if he and shenhe had not just gone through however many hours of trauma. if he had not seen her cut down the people she loves, and he hadn't needed to do the same.
he takes the washcloth though, and wipes at his face with it. his eyes go to shoydastian in her hands, and he marvels that there is maybe one thing from that whole venture that doesn't spark rage or misery in him, and that's the horse.]
...Shenhe.
[he pauses. he's not sure what he was going to say. if he were stronger, then he'd say something kind or hopeful or encouraging, but he feels bleak, full of misery. he'd never admit this to anyone else who wasn't there, but with shenhe...]
Even though I know it wasn't them... It still feels like we killed them.
[her hands are shaking a little, and she keeps stubbornly trying to hold them still, expression flat. but when he speaks, she looks back at him - her face is less bloody, at least. that's a plus.
she waits, patiently, because she's right there with him. because she doesn't want to close her eyes for fear of seeing broken bodies, red stained across the sand. she feels the same way he does.]
It does. [she agrees, after a moment.] We did.
[there's not a lot that can convince her otherwise. maybe she didn't kill the actual nahri and wolfwood, but she watched their faces as they choked on their own blood. he threw his weapon - himself - at lambda, and felt her die. that's close enough.]
... I don't know how to handle it. [she says, after a moment. her voice is carefully, carefully flat.] I don't know what to do.
[but. she holds out the horse to him, and puts it in his hand.] ... I won't leave you, still. We are both together in this.
[she hasn't smiled since they got back, but - i don't hate that you're here with me makes her lips twitch, just a little. under the grime and blood and memory of her friends mutilated in the dirt, there's something that's still capable of warmth.]
I don't hate that you're here with me, either.
[she's changed, after what they went through, but at least she isn't alone. she isn't lonely.]
I don't... know what I can provide. But if you need anything from me. [she wants to help. she always does, even if that help is horrible.]
[...This is why he thinks the adventure was the worst for Shenhe -- it was terrible for them all, for sure, and while Rang is always in the habit of prioritizing his own pain above anyone else's.... He can't do that now, not when Shenhe, who'd wanted to save them, had been made into a weapon in the end.
He never thought he could see someone else's pain besides his own. Why did it take an insane cyoa for him to realize this, he's not sure.]
You've given plenty. You always have.
[at least, everything that he deserved, then and now. whether it's a punch to a face or a comeback, and now. just this, vibing.
...]
And I'd rather look at you than the others.
[the little hallucinations always at the corner of his eye. he know shenhe can't be a hallucination.]
[being a weapon suited her surprisingly well. she still doesn't quite know how to take it.]
... I am real. [she says, in agreement. maybe not to the first part, because she's not sure about that, but to the second part. she can be a distraction from the worst of the hallucinations.]
So you can look as long as you want, for now. [she brings a hand up to wipe her horrible bloody face, to get the tears away from her.] I can have a use.
[her heart feels cracked open and torn into. having a purpose, even if it's small, feels better. a sword, an axe, who knows her place.]
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rang is also still bloodied, though healed so he's not bleeding anymore, boomerang also clutched in his hands as he stands some distance away from the maid cafe, staring at the destruction and blood they were in just hours earlier. he shifts, turning to see Shenhe as she staggers toward him
and he immediately moves to, so he can meet her halfway,]
Shenhe.
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and, quietly:] You stayed.
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so when Shenhe slips in close, face against his shoulder like he's someone she can lean on, like he's someone she can trust -- he almost breaks, he almost falls. if he were a kind person, then he'd regret the shock they'd all left in their wake when they came back -- but he's not kind, no one there will ever understand. no one will understand like shenhe does, because she was there with him.]
...You stayed first.
[she could have left early on, children in tow. though knowing how the mission happened, something terrible would have probably occurred anyway. still. she could have left, but she didn't.]
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[so - yeah. of course she did. she just stays where she is, for now. not hugging, not trying to get closer, just unsteadily standing there, bleeding sluggishly from all her wounds, trying not to collapse.]
It wasn't real. [she says, like she's reminding both of them. but - all of that, it wasn't real, maybe, but the fact that he knew she wanted to save nahri and wolfwood and he let her try means more than he will ever know.] But thank you.
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he doesn't know how to be anyone's friend, but he feels like the friends Shenhe does have would have done a better job, maybe succeeded where they'd failed. but it doesn't hurt to hear her say that. he shifts his attention to the state she's in,]
You're bleeding.
[his brows furrow, but he keeps his hands still,]
Do you want me to heal you?
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[she trusts him to do it. which is funny, really.] I can't breathe.
[he can probably hear the whistle of her lung every time she tries.]
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rang immediately presses his hand on shenhe's back, inches from her arrow wound and concentrates -- she'll feel something soft and fluffy brushing her back, and the pain lessening,
he'll also concentrate on her other 5000 injuries? he knows she has them?]
Looks like we'll have to live through the night.
[rin and d... wow they're so lucky that they're DEAD]
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she tenses, when he touches her, but it's instinct. he helps - her arrow wound closes and she can breathe a little better. her wounds stop bleeding, too, and mostly close up - her shoulder, side and abdomen, as well as the cut across her face. now she's just covered in blood from head to toe, which is it's own problem but not as pressing.
there's like. a little bit of despair that she feels when he speaks, because she kind of doesn't want to! tonight, she's kinning matsui. but instead of saying that, she nods, and he'll see her shoulders relax and her posture get less tense as she's healed.
she looks at him, finally, and when she does he'll also see that she's crying? but it's blood. she's crying blood, silently.]
Did... [she starts, and pauses, exhausted. try again.] Did you heal all of your own injuries?
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...Lambda healed me. [. . .and he thinks shenhe would understand why this upsets him too, that if he had a choice then he would have preferred to die too.]
How long has that been happening?
[SHENHE YOUR TEARS]
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anyway, she'd mercy kill him if he wanted it? let's take ibupofen together meme only it's die instead.
she looks confused for a second, and then she reaches up to touch her face. she's got a bunch of blood splatters from the children she murdered all over her face so it's kind of hard to tell the difference between that and the tears, but she gets the idea when she finds that it's fresh.
a pause. she hiccups.]
Um. [it is! a new development!] Since we returned. It shouldn't be blood.
[yes. that is obvious.]
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the way they are still bloodied like walking petri dishes of contamination, rang looks down at his clothes but there is not even a square inch of fabric he can offer her? he'll start walking towards the cafe,]
Come on.
[he's heading straight to the kitchen and getting some water and a washcloth for shenhe, of which he'll offer her. they are tracking more blood into this cafe -- that's fine,
he probably passes by the little shoydastian plushie still on the floor]
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she'll keep up with him - but she will stop for half a step because she wants to pick up shoydastian, carefully. she doesn't want to get blood on him, so she holds him very gingerly, but. she has him!
and then she goes into the kitchen with her horse friend and takes the washcloth, staring at it for a second before wiping her face. she stares at it again with a furrowed brow and then turns, grabs another washcloth, wets it, and hands it to him. yes. helping.]
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he takes the washcloth though, and wipes at his face with it. his eyes go to shoydastian in her hands, and he marvels that there is maybe one thing from that whole venture that doesn't spark rage or misery in him, and that's the horse.]
...Shenhe.
[he pauses. he's not sure what he was going to say. if he were stronger, then he'd say something kind or hopeful or encouraging, but he feels bleak, full of misery. he'd never admit this to anyone else who wasn't there, but with shenhe...]
Even though I know it wasn't them... It still feels like we killed them.
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she waits, patiently, because she's right there with him. because she doesn't want to close her eyes for fear of seeing broken bodies, red stained across the sand. she feels the same way he does.]
It does. [she agrees, after a moment.] We did.
[there's not a lot that can convince her otherwise. maybe she didn't kill the actual nahri and wolfwood, but she watched their faces as they choked on their own blood. he threw his weapon - himself - at lambda, and felt her die. that's close enough.]
... I don't know how to handle it. [she says, after a moment. her voice is carefully, carefully flat.] I don't know what to do.
[but. she holds out the horse to him, and puts it in his hand.] ... I won't leave you, still. We are both together in this.
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He really doesn't know what to do when someone tells them that they won't leave. And in this moment, he wouldn't fault Shenhe if she did.]
I don't know what to do either.
[maybe later, they'll keep it in their hearts until they can't suppress it again,]
...But I don't hate that you're here with me.
[even if maybe the person he is deep inside would have preferred shenhe not to have endured it all in the first place,]
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I don't hate that you're here with me, either.
[she's changed, after what they went through, but at least she isn't alone. she isn't lonely.]
I don't... know what I can provide. But if you need anything from me. [she wants to help. she always does, even if that help is horrible.]
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He never thought he could see someone else's pain besides his own. Why did it take an insane cyoa for him to realize this, he's not sure.]
You've given plenty. You always have.
[at least, everything that he deserved, then and now. whether it's a punch to a face or a comeback, and now. just this, vibing.
...]
And I'd rather look at you than the others.
[the little hallucinations always at the corner of his eye. he know shenhe can't be a hallucination.]
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... I am real. [she says, in agreement. maybe not to the first part, because she's not sure about that, but to the second part. she can be a distraction from the worst of the hallucinations.]
So you can look as long as you want, for now. [she brings a hand up to wipe her horrible bloody face, to get the tears away from her.] I can have a use.
[her heart feels cracked open and torn into. having a purpose, even if it's small, feels better. a sword, an axe, who knows her place.]