[well he can hold himself in enough to overlook all of this other blood but FRESH BLOOD POURING FROM HER EYES IS WHAT GETS HIM. He reaches forward automatically, like his body is moving without him, holding his hands out by her chin like he's planning on catching the drops that spill.]
You're bleeding...? Shenhe, you're bleeding--
[FROM THE EYES?? Also probably from all these other half-healed wounds, but he's focusing on the most obviously concerning thing for the time being.]
[she hasn't cried since she was about six years old, so it startles her. the catch and release of tears, instead of something that burns in her throat and behind her eyes and never comes - it happens. and she has no idea what to do with it, and when he says she's bleeding and holds his hands out, she startles so hard that it's instinct to hurt him.
or, like, try to. her instinct is to still use her axe, which comes up and bops him on the arm. it's... plastic. so.]
[IT JUST BOPS HIS ARM HELP. Matsui's briefly startled out of his attempt at catching Shenhe's blood tears in his hands like the blood freak he is, blinking at the plastic axe.
It may be reflex out of startled response, and it may be that she wasn't able to actually do him harm, but he doesn't know how else to help here, really. He doesn't know what to do.]
--Do you wish for my blood?
[It's the one thing he knows how to offer in times like this.]
[and that's a little violent, the way she says that, like it's wrenched out of her. she drops her axe, and she moves back, and away. no. no more blood. she doesn't want it, she doesn't want his or nahri's or wolfwood's or lambda's, she doesn't want to see lumine laughing, she doesn't want to remember cloud retainer snapping at rang's ankles. she drags in another horrible, shallow breath.]
No. No. No. [her thoughts just tip over sideways.]
[Well that's sure not what he wanted to do!! The very last thing he wants to do is cause more of a disturbance for Shenhe, and even though offering his blood to someone who just pointed out that he was alive(ish) is unhinged behavior, it's the best way that he knows to comfort in deeply traumatic situations.
He takes a step forward as she moves back, but the step is halting.]
Ah-- I'm sorry... I - What can I do...?
[That's the catch, isn't it? No one can do anything. Nothing helps in the brutal, bright, fresh aftermath of such a horrible experience.]
[he's doing his best and she'll appreciate it later! probably.
what can he do - she has no idea. she doesn't even know what to do. take away her emotions, take away her memories, do something to scrub the sensation of killing people she loves out of her hands, out of her skin. it was so present. she felt the blade find flesh. she was the blade.
shenhe coughs a little, and then chokes on a sob, and it hurts. crying hurts.]
I don't... [she tries, but she can't breathe right.]
[SHE SHOULDN'T. HE'S DOING HIS BEST AND IT'S TERRIBLE.
See: the next thing he's about to suggest because Matsui is a deeply traumatized person and all he can think to do in these moments is lean into his deep trauma, which isn't going to help anyone. What Shenhe needs is someone like Buzen, not someone like Matsui.
His hand reaches out toward her, watching her struggle - in a both literally physical way as well as an emotional one, given the coughing, the crying, the wheezing.]
...Would it help to be free of it? For just a short while.
[help me this is the funniest thread we've done this game]
Yes. [she hiccups, a fresh new outpouring of blood dripping from her eyes. she watches him reach, and her hand comes up, disjointed, shakily, like she's going to take it. she thinks it'd be nice to be free of it for a while.]
WELL!! THIS IS TERRIBLE. This is truly terrible in so many ways but Matsui unfortunately understands Shenhe's heart so very, very closely in this moment, because he knows what this anguish feels like intimately, and he wishes someone had asked him this when he wanted it. He loves Buzen to the bottom of his awful heart and back, but Buzen had saved him and loved him and offered no reprieve from the horrors of living through the Shimabara Rebellion.
He reaches forward to hold her hand in his, his fingers cold as always, steady by comparison. He moves forward, if she allows it, to wipe the blood from her cheeks and then fold her into his arms. A hand reaches up, stroking her hair in a pale attempt at comfort.]
...I am sorry, Shenhe. [His voice is heavy with guilt and sorrow and the love he holds for someone who he's come to think of so fondly in his time here.] Rest now, and I will find you when you wake.
[Which is about all the warning she'll get before his arms pull away, and in quick succession there's the sound of metal sliding from its sheathe and the feeling of steel against her neck.
but it is a reprieve. for someone like shenhe, who thought it was okay when someone took all her emotions away when buzen died, it's okay. it's like going to sleep, held by someone, a hand stroking her hair. maybe this will reset her. maybe this will make it easier for her to bear - it's a relief, but it's a punishment, too. penance, for what her hands and her blade did. they're too similar this way.
the steel against her neck doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the rest of her.
... rest, he says, and so she does. she goes limp, and after a couple of moments, her body vanishes.
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when he shifts, it blocks her vision for just long enough for her to remember where she is. she blinks once, twice, and then:]
... You're alive. [and that's about when she starts to cry. nothing like sobs, nothing hysterical, just, y'know, a stream of blood.]
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You're bleeding...? Shenhe, you're bleeding--
[FROM THE EYES?? Also probably from all these other half-healed wounds, but he's focusing on the most obviously concerning thing for the time being.]
no subject
or, like, try to. her instinct is to still use her axe, which comes up and bops him on the arm. it's... plastic. so.]
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It may be reflex out of startled response, and it may be that she wasn't able to actually do him harm, but he doesn't know how else to help here, really. He doesn't know what to do.]
--Do you wish for my blood?
[It's the one thing he knows how to offer in times like this.]
no subject
[and that's a little violent, the way she says that, like it's wrenched out of her. she drops her axe, and she moves back, and away. no. no more blood. she doesn't want it, she doesn't want his or nahri's or wolfwood's or lambda's, she doesn't want to see lumine laughing, she doesn't want to remember cloud retainer snapping at rang's ankles. she drags in another horrible, shallow breath.]
No. No. No. [her thoughts just tip over sideways.]
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He takes a step forward as she moves back, but the step is halting.]
Ah-- I'm sorry... I - What can I do...?
[That's the catch, isn't it? No one can do anything. Nothing helps in the brutal, bright, fresh aftermath of such a horrible experience.]
no subject
what can he do - she has no idea. she doesn't even know what to do. take away her emotions, take away her memories, do something to scrub the sensation of killing people she loves out of her hands, out of her skin. it was so present. she felt the blade find flesh. she was the blade.
shenhe coughs a little, and then chokes on a sob, and it hurts. crying hurts.]
I don't... [she tries, but she can't breathe right.]
no subject
See: the next thing he's about to suggest because Matsui is a deeply traumatized person and all he can think to do in these moments is lean into his deep trauma, which isn't going to help anyone. What Shenhe needs is someone like Buzen, not someone like Matsui.
His hand reaches out toward her, watching her struggle - in a both literally physical way as well as an emotional one, given the coughing, the crying, the wheezing.]
...Would it help to be free of it? For just a short while.
[His voice is so quiet, so soft and gentle.]
no subject
Yes. [she hiccups, a fresh new outpouring of blood dripping from her eyes. she watches him reach, and her hand comes up, disjointed, shakily, like she's going to take it. she thinks it'd be nice to be free of it for a while.]
no subject
WELL!! THIS IS TERRIBLE. This is truly terrible in so many ways but Matsui unfortunately understands Shenhe's heart so very, very closely in this moment, because he knows what this anguish feels like intimately, and he wishes someone had asked him this when he wanted it. He loves Buzen to the bottom of his awful heart and back, but Buzen had saved him and loved him and offered no reprieve from the horrors of living through the Shimabara Rebellion.
He reaches forward to hold her hand in his, his fingers cold as always, steady by comparison. He moves forward, if she allows it, to wipe the blood from her cheeks and then fold her into his arms. A hand reaches up, stroking her hair in a pale attempt at comfort.]
...I am sorry, Shenhe. [His voice is heavy with guilt and sorrow and the love he holds for someone who he's come to think of so fondly in his time here.] Rest now, and I will find you when you wake.
[Which is about all the warning she'll get before his arms pull away, and in quick succession there's the sound of metal sliding from its sheathe and the feeling of steel against her neck.
GOODNIGHT MOON. WHAT THE FUCK.]
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but it is a reprieve. for someone like shenhe, who thought it was okay when someone took all her emotions away when buzen died, it's okay. it's like going to sleep, held by someone, a hand stroking her hair. maybe this will reset her. maybe this will make it easier for her to bear - it's a relief, but it's a punishment, too. penance, for what her hands and her blade did. they're too similar this way.
the steel against her neck doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the rest of her.
... rest, he says, and so she does. she goes limp, and after a couple of moments, her body vanishes.
GOODNIGHT MOON SEE YOU IN LIKE THREE HOURS IG.]