homophonic ❆ nahri

[bindings]

nahri

You're not just a memory.

CODE

Comments

[ashmark]

Shenhe. [ RELIEF. and sadness. and tiredness. but the relief is most prominent. ]

...How are you doing?

[ "how are you feeling" but. um. ]

[bindings]

[haha! bad!]

If I tell you, you'll be angry with me.

[ashmark]

[ uh oh. ]

If you talk to me about it, I promise I won't be.

[bindings]

[flatly:] I'd like to kill the person responsible for this tomorrow.

[ashmark]

[ there's a conflicted expression on her face. ]

...I can't stop you.

[bindings]

It is up to fate. [depends on who picks who, but]

I don't like feeling used.

[ashmark]

Nobody does, Shenhe.

...I can't be angry at you for feeling that way. [ another pause ] Or for wanting to do something about it.

[ she'd be a big damn hypocrite otherwise. ]

[bindings]

[she's quiet for a moment.]

... I helped him, today. Because I wanted to be the sort of person who helps.

[ashmark]

[ of course they're all feeling awful from this whole ordeal. the way that she says that cuts nahri to the core. ]

I hope this doesn't turn you away from helping others in the future.

[ being held down by rage and grief - if shenhe is, nahri can't blame her. the cards are already stacked against her, in some respects. but it's such an awful thing to carry with you. ]

[bindings]

It might.

[there's no point in being dishonest. she's a little colder than she was yesterday.]

I have to decide if kindness is worth it.

[ashmark]

[ "that's fair" isn't in her vocabularly. if only she could articulate that feeling. ]

It's a hard decision to make. Especially when you've been hurt.

[bindings]

[she exhales out slow.]

I will decide after tomorrow, I think. [she can't find it in her to feel a whole lot more than just "bury it six feet under" at the moment.]

[ashmark]

[ she's quiet for a good long while. ]

I can only hope that whatever you decide, we can still be... [ she takes a breath ] we can still preserve our team.

[bindings]

[that finally makes her look up.]

That was never in question. [...] You, Vash, and Wolfwood are the only people I am certain I can rely on.

[ashmark]

I will always support you, Shenhe. I will always support this team. But your decisions will effect other people too. I won't interfere if you no longer want to be kind. [ there's an edge to her voice, but she isn't outwardly sad, or angry, or much of anything ]

--But don't think that it won't change things.

[bindings]

[another long pause.

she brings a hand up to run over the bindings, absently.]

I find you so difficult to predict.

[ashmark]

[ she rubs the side of her face and drags the hand down. ]

It's been a long day. I'm tired.

[bindings]

[she watches her do that, and then, a little softer:] I don't want to disappoint you.

[ashmark]

[ aw damn it. ]

You have to do things for yourself too, Shenhe. [ the edge in her voice is gone. ]

I'm just a thief from Cairo. It doesn't matter what I think.

[bindings]

All that I do, I do for myself. [she says, a little dismissively. before coming here, that was her existence, save for a few flukes.

a pause.]

It matters to me what you think. You are not just anything.

[ashmark]

[ she looks at her and sighs. ]

Stop it, I can't cry anymore.

[ she is truly exhausted. ]

[bindings]

[help]

... That wasn't my intention. [she is so alarmed by this]

[ashmark]

[ she trudges over to lean on her. ]

I know.

[bindings]

[very

very carefully, like one would with a cat that just chose to sit on them, shenhe wraps an arm around her.]

[ashmark]

[ nahri is less careful when she latches onto shenhe. ]