[yay, hand holds! she links their fingers, holding a little more tightly than she might normally. she's all wound up, it's clear in her body language.]
[ she scoots closer, indicating that shenhe can lean against her if she wishes. ]
It is. [ she's used to noise - city girl, after all - but the curated chaos is a new form of stress she didn't know was possible. ] And it's exceptionally cruel.
It'd defeat the purpose otherwise. [ bitter agreement. ] Picking one person off would be too... easy.
[ it disgusts her to phrase it that way, but she doesn't know how else to do it. so she continues: ] It isn't the team's fault. They shouldn't have to suffer because one of their own participated in the game. Even if they coordinated it, it just seems-- It's cruelty, plain and simple.
[ there's a very dark reality that she doesn't want to acknowledge: this is the game. this is what they have to do. ]
I know there isn't an easy way out. People are going to get hurt. [ and that scares her. being powerless, in the grand cosmic scheme of things, makes her incredibly uneasy. she wants to win. she still wants to win, despite the stakes. but that also means weighing the cost of what that means. ]
[this makes her chest ache a little, something that she finds both alarming and unusual. she doesn't move, for a moment, letting that roll through her. and then she exhales slow.]
[ she's quiet, torn between angry and sad at this whole awful situation. Her heartbeat quickens, no doubt owing to her rising blood pressure. everything about this is awful. ]
We're not doing this again. [ despite her tempest of emotions, this comes out relatively gentle. ] I don't want you to be left behind. I don't want anything to happen to you either.
[ oh, does that thought scare her. becoming so emotionally attached to someone just to get them ripped away from her again. she squeezes her hand. ] You're going to say you don't care, but I do.
I know. [and she does. she's a little emotionally stupid, but not enough that she can't tell nahri cares, a lot. not even about her, but in general, about people, about saving them and taking care of them. that's the reason she asked to form a team in the first place.]
And I do care. I'm not so willing to throw everything away, Nahri.
[there's just the hint of a smile on her face at that.]
You don't need to apologize. You're right to say it. [she knows how she sounds, sometimes, it's just that she doesn't like to lie, and sometimes, promising some of the things she wants to say feel like lies.]
... I've never known this many people. I've never experienced anything like this. I don't know that I want to give it up.
[ quietly: ] I just don't want you to do something reckless. [ it's going to take a minute for her embarrassment to fade, but the subject change helps redirect that focus. ]
You're quite popular. [ a little quip to take the edge off, though it depends on who you ask; rang lee probably has a different perception on shenhe's popularity than yuzuriha, for example. ] You're doing pretty well for yourself.
You're new to this, huh? [ she gently nudges her, trying to show she's not trying to make a serious statement about shenhe's social skills or lack thereof. ]
[she actually melts a little. it's a bit melodramatic teen.]
I have had a lot of it this week and I'm not sure I've gotten any better. [NYEH] ... I chose you, Vash, and Wolfwood as teammates because it is easier with you.
You haven't hurt yourself in front me except that first time, which means you've learned something or you've gotten better about hiding it. Which also means you've learned something.
[ but to take this more seriously: ] I think we're a good team. We have a lot of differences, but our strengths work well together. You say it was easier but... I think it was very wise of you.
[she seems a little amused at the first part. she's been behaving herself! mostly.]
I think we are a good team too. [which is wild, considering she didn't want one to begin with. as for being called wise, she glances at nahri with a slightly surprised look.]
I think you give me too much credit. But thank you.
And I think you get just the right amount. [ nahri sure as shit wasn't thinking about making a team either. she's grateful for shenhe getting it done. ]
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It's a loud game. [her ears are still ringing...]
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It is. [ she's used to noise - city girl, after all - but the curated chaos is a new form of stress she didn't know was possible. ] And it's exceptionally cruel.
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... I should have expected that we'd need to vote for a team.
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[ it disgusts her to phrase it that way, but she doesn't know how else to do it. so she continues: ] It isn't the team's fault. They shouldn't have to suffer because one of their own participated in the game. Even if they coordinated it, it just seems-- It's cruelty, plain and simple.
[ there's a very dark reality that she doesn't want to acknowledge: this is the game. this is what they have to do. ]
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it isn't the team's fault. they shouldn't have to suffer. but if one person can suffer for the rest of them, isn't that better? she wonders.]
This will be the way it is until the end. [but. she squeezes nahri's hand.] I know that doesn't make it easier.
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I just wish there was another way.
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I wish there was another way for you, as well.
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We're not doing this again. [ despite her tempest of emotions, this comes out relatively gentle. ] I don't want you to be left behind. I don't want anything to happen to you either.
[ oh, does that thought scare her. becoming so emotionally attached to someone just to get them ripped away from her again. she squeezes her hand. ] You're going to say you don't care, but I do.
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And I do care. I'm not so willing to throw everything away, Nahri.
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I- That's not what I meant. [ she's feeling properly abashed now. ]
Sorry.
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You don't need to apologize. You're right to say it. [she knows how she sounds, sometimes, it's just that she doesn't like to lie, and sometimes, promising some of the things she wants to say feel like lies.]
... I've never known this many people. I've never experienced anything like this. I don't know that I want to give it up.
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You're quite popular. [ a little quip to take the edge off, though it depends on who you ask; rang lee probably has a different perception on shenhe's popularity than yuzuriha, for example. ] You're doing pretty well for yourself.
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but you're popular gets her to let out a hah.] It's strange. People don't usually like me.
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[ look, shenhe might be a little emotionally dumb and a little unintentionally reckless, but she isn't malicious. she's just shenhe about it. ]
Some people want you to tell them what they want to hear, or what they want to believe.
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I don't see the point. [in telling them what they want to hear, she means.] When that happens, the truth comes around eventually.
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I didn't say it was the smart thing to do.
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Social interaction is exhausting.
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You'll get better with practice.
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I have had a lot of it this week and I'm not sure I've gotten any better. [NYEH] ... I chose you, Vash, and Wolfwood as teammates because it is easier with you.
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[ but to take this more seriously: ] I think we're a good team. We have a lot of differences, but our strengths work well together. You say it was easier but... I think it was very wise of you.
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I think we are a good team too. [which is wild, considering she didn't want one to begin with. as for being called wise, she glances at nahri with a slightly surprised look.]
I think you give me too much credit. But thank you.
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