[ they sit. they hold hands. it's becoming an automatic response to each traumatic event this godforsaken place throws at them, but it doesn't get any less comforting. it's like a tether holding her here. though she knows it's tenuous, she knows it can be ripped from her at any moment, just like--
no. she pushes those thoughts down. pushes those feelings down. the despair tries to force its way through, and she'll keep stubbornly trying to push it away. she would rather feel nothing.
she'll sit here until the end of time, waiting for shenhe to cry. it makes her heart ache. if nothing else, just let her have the smallest amount of catharsis. she wishes she could will the universe: let shenhe have this. let her have something. ]
[she doesn't. she can't make herself do it. the tears don't come, and she just eventually fades into something miserable and pained. she misses them already.
it's the future that hurts the most out of it. thinking - i'll tell him this tomorrow, or i'll give him that when i see him next, and then the memory that no. no, that won't happen. she keeps having to remind herself that she can't arrange flowers with matsui again.
[ it feels like her heart is going to rend itself apart. the familiarity of her pain makes nahri want to cry in her stead, though somehow she's still keeping together fairly well. it probably won't last much longer. ]
It's going to hurt for a while.
[ there's nothing she can say about protecting them. they're gone. and in this state, everything is going to hurt. the helplessness is going to hurt. platitudes would just be an insult. ]
Then we can leave him flowers. Let's go on a walk in the morning and you can pick some for him. [...] And I need to apologize to Rang.
[ she reluctantly pulls her hand from shenhe's, but that's only so she can shift against her more comfortably. she offers her the opposite hand so she can more easily play with her hair and hand hold. ]
[that works for her. she takes the other hand, and closes her eyes, leaning into the way that nahri brushes through her hair. deep breath. okay. they can collect flowers in the morning.]
... He told me you scolded him. [her thoughts are disjointed, but she remembers that.]
Lying about what? [the stutter-stop of her emotions eases up a little just because she's a little fond, and even if it's about rang - it's... she's finding she likes it when nahri blushes.]
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no. she pushes those thoughts down. pushes those feelings down. the despair tries to force its way through, and she'll keep stubbornly trying to push it away. she would rather feel nothing.
she'll sit here until the end of time, waiting for shenhe to cry. it makes her heart ache. if nothing else, just let her have the smallest amount of catharsis. she wishes she could will the universe: let shenhe have this. let her have something. ]
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it's the future that hurts the most out of it. thinking - i'll tell him this tomorrow, or i'll give him that when i see him next, and then the memory that no. no, that won't happen. she keeps having to remind herself that she can't arrange flowers with matsui again.
she pulls nahri a little closer, exhaling slow.]
I can't protect them.
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It's going to hurt for a while.
[ there's nothing she can say about protecting them. they're gone. and in this state, everything is going to hurt. the helplessness is going to hurt. platitudes would just be an insult. ]
We can honor them tomorrow, if you would like.
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... Alright. [she says, after a moment.] I'd like to. I... Matsui left flowers, before.
[she's kind of stutter-stopping, here. there's only so much she can feel before she starts to falter under the weight of it.]
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[ she reluctantly pulls her hand from shenhe's, but that's only so she can shift against her more comfortably. she offers her the opposite hand so she can more easily play with her hair and hand hold. ]
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... He told me you scolded him. [her thoughts are disjointed, but she remembers that.]
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It was a little harsher than that.
[ and now she just feels ashamed. ] It was my fault. It was stupid.
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... Thank you. You were concerned about me.
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[ well. now her face is red. she wants to protest, but she can't exactly protest about her concern, because it is true. ]
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Lying about what? [the stutter-stop of her emotions eases up a little just because she's a little fond, and even if it's about rang - it's... she's finding she likes it when nahri blushes.]
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About not being bothered. Even if he acted that way... look, I'm not a stranger to lying. Foxes and djinn aren't that different.
But that's something I'll take up with him tomorrow.
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she shifts, turning her face to press her nose against nahri's jaw. just for a moment.]
I think that he was bothered because he didn't realize that I preferred to lack emotion. [there's a little bit of soothing, there.] I told him.
[a pause.] We can gather flowers for him as well.
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I hope he likes them. Though it's not like we're not giving him much choice.
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He will like them or else. [shenhe please]
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Well, it's all that he's getting. I only need to apologize once...
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... Tomorrow. [she says, after a moment. she's fine doing all of that tomorrow. for now:] I'd like to go back to the warehouse. Would you?
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You should get some rest.