[ he is reminded, suddenly, of another talk with someone else, that feels like years ago now. a princess, who probably felt a lot of the same things shenhe feels. betrayal, and anger, and a willingness to hear him out.
that conversation didn't go well, but maybe this one he could do better. ]
I'm awake because I'm planning to erase you. Though I think you've figured out that much. But I didn't want ... I know it's silly, something a sword would do, maybe, but I couldn't be underhanded about it. It'd go wrong, or-- I don't know. I just thought you might understand.
she stops where she is, stops dead. there's a lot that goes through her all at once - something like no, and the audacity to think you could and but my team -- and none of it crosses her face. the thing is, she's in a rough spot. because she likes him, and because she likes ylfa, and because she likes haru, and because she liked rin. if it were anybody else, she would've run them through without a word. but he - gerard, she thinks, is her friend.
right?]
... Why did you pick me? [she starts with that. because there's something in her, something dragged up to the surface by this week, that whispers is it because I'm a monster? that was why she was left to die the first time, after all.]
[ `If you had never found me, what would you be doing now?`
`If I could be honest, Elody, if I didn't know you were out there fighting, I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done anything.`
it would never be because she is a monster. she is not the monster here, who consumes the stories of his friends for some small hope at gain, clawing at the pages. ]
Have you heard the story of Hamlet-- Maybe not. I hadn't. Aika told me about him. The story of a Prince who loses everything he loves, everything he cares about, because of indecision, an inability to make a choice to move. But I understand that. I've spent a lot of years of my life, um, floating. "Like a frog on a lilypad." Elody said that-- but. It's true. I've never made choices. When I was a frog, I waited in the pond scum for the heron to pass by. When I was a Prince, I sat behind castle walls, and hoped the war would pass us by so I could keep going to balls. Parties. When Elody told me she needed more, I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. When war came, I fled. I've avoided the decisions, the hard ones, for years. And it's cost me everything. So I thought, this time, I have to make a choice.
People are getting these text messages. Telling them to kill, or die. And I thought, I don't want Haru, or Ylfa to get one of those. If I can take action, make a decision. I can help them. Ylfa is-- She can do it. You know. She's brave, and strong. Stronger than I am. But she shouldn't have to.
[for a long, uncertain moment, she feels that burning sensation behind her eyes. the urge to cry, and the inability to make it happen.
the thing is. the thing is. she doesn't want ylfa or haru to get one of those messages either. and she doesn't know if this will stop that from happening, but she can see the logic of it. she breathes in. she breathes out. maybe this will stop people from picking off her team, if she goes. maybe, if she wins, she will push them a little closer to getting to live again, the way she promised them she would try.]
Ylfa would. [shenhe says, finally.] We have talked about it.
[her heart aches. but she respects this decision.]
But... yes. Fine, then, if this is how it has to be. But I will not just let you erase me. I made a promise to Nahri, Vash, and Wolfwood.
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and then:]
Do you think I'm awake to erase you? I'm not. [a beat.] ... Gerard.
[what are we doing out here?]
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[ he'll just. start walking off. If she attacks him she attacks him, but he thinks she won't. ]
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no, he's right. he just heads off, and she doesn't think to try to hurt him, not yet. instead, she follows him, expression wary.]
I'm listening. [for now.]
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[ he is reminded, suddenly, of another talk with someone else, that feels like years ago now. a princess, who probably felt a lot of the same things shenhe feels. betrayal, and anger, and a willingness to hear him out.
that conversation didn't go well, but maybe this one he could do better. ]
I'm awake because I'm planning to erase you. Though I think you've figured out that much. But I didn't want ... I know it's silly, something a sword would do, maybe, but I couldn't be underhanded about it. It'd go wrong, or-- I don't know. I just thought you might understand.
no subject
she stops where she is, stops dead. there's a lot that goes through her all at once - something like no, and the audacity to think you could and but my team -- and none of it crosses her face. the thing is, she's in a rough spot. because she likes him, and because she likes ylfa, and because she likes haru, and because she liked rin. if it were anybody else, she would've run them through without a word. but he - gerard, she thinks, is her friend.
right?]
... Why did you pick me? [she starts with that. because there's something in her, something dragged up to the surface by this week, that whispers is it because I'm a monster? that was why she was left to die the first time, after all.]
no subject
`If I could be honest, Elody, if I didn't know you were out there fighting, I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done anything.`
it would never be because she is a monster. she is not the monster here, who consumes the stories of his friends for some small hope at gain, clawing at the pages. ]
Have you heard the story of Hamlet-- Maybe not. I hadn't. Aika told me about him. The story of a Prince who loses everything he loves, everything he cares about, because of indecision, an inability to make a choice to move. But I understand that. I've spent a lot of years of my life, um, floating. "Like a frog on a lilypad." Elody said that-- but. It's true. I've never made choices. When I was a frog, I waited in the pond scum for the heron to pass by. When I was a Prince, I sat behind castle walls, and hoped the war would pass us by so I could keep going to balls. Parties. When Elody told me she needed more, I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. When war came, I fled. I've avoided the decisions, the hard ones, for years. And it's cost me everything. So I thought, this time, I have to make a choice.
People are getting these text messages. Telling them to kill, or die. And I thought, I don't want Haru, or Ylfa to get one of those. If I can take action, make a decision. I can help them. Ylfa is-- She can do it. You know. She's brave, and strong. Stronger than I am. But she shouldn't have to.
no subject
the thing is. the thing is. she doesn't want ylfa or haru to get one of those messages either. and she doesn't know if this will stop that from happening, but she can see the logic of it. she breathes in. she breathes out. maybe this will stop people from picking off her team, if she goes. maybe, if she wins, she will push them a little closer to getting to live again, the way she promised them she would try.]
Ylfa would. [shenhe says, finally.] We have talked about it.
[her heart aches. but she respects this decision.]
But... yes. Fine, then, if this is how it has to be. But I will not just let you erase me. I made a promise to Nahri, Vash, and Wolfwood.