[ after a while, long enough for the dead come back, she will go looking for shenhe. shenhe booked it out of there, so lambda took it as she needed some alone time for a bit. ]
[she's kind of just curled up holding her toy axe and staring into the middle distance. she is still absolutely covered in blood, she has not bothered cleaning up because nobody is home!!! but - yeah, in the park, just knees to chest, one around around her knees, the other white-knuckling her axe, sitting on a bench.
she doesn't look up, just yet. she's probably also still sluggishly bleeding.]
[ lambda is not good with delicacy, even if she can be sensitive once she comes to know and understand someone. she's not sure she's there with shenhe yet even if among all the humans, lambda thinks she's one of the better ones.
she doesn't sit next to her on the bench just yet. she doesn't want to startle. bleeding sluggishly is better than bleeding profusely. ]
[ oh. that does stun her. it shocks her. not the being killed part because she's here because she was killed but she doesn't expect people to resist killing enough to break the world.
she doesn't think they knew it would break the world, but even still...
she sits down on the bench. ]
It's all right. I understand what it means to be a sacrifice, and I understand what's necessary to keep the world from breaking.
[ more softly: ] Thank you for not wanting to, even for a moment.
[ that means more to her than she could or would ever say. ]
The preservation of history has an immeasurable cost. Much of it shouldn't be necessary. It shouldn't need the blood of those you hold dear on your hands.
[ she knows a little, of the swords' mission. it's not too different from what she is contracted to do.
she lifts a sleeve to gently brush these blood tears away, if shenhe allows it. ]
[she does allow it - it startles her a little, because she doesn't know what lambda is doing at first, but. once she understands, shenhe reaches up to touch the corner of her own eye, unsure. oh. huh.
she hasn't cried since she was six years old. this is new.]
It... it wasn't real. [she says, finally.] They should not have been there in the first place. The fact that history so violently tried to correct itself when it wasn't even true in the first place was...
[cruel? that seems like not a good enough word for it. she just trails off there. she just looks down at herself covered in blood. everything sucks.]
Even if it wasn't real, that doesn't mean you can't still feel something because of it.
[ however much gravity wants to put on this experience, lambda won't deny the tears she's seeing, not when she remembers the last time shenhe cried.
lambda lowers her hand. shenhe is covered in so much blood, and her sleeve can only do so much. ]
It's a bit unnecessary. [ maybe that's not a strong enough word, but it's a true enough word. ] The lessons history tries to teach those meant to save it or preserve it. The lessons that are never learned by the ones who don't have to try keep it. It's heartless.
[ she smiles a little although it's a tinge sad. she thinks about how no one probably wished for this kind of thing, what shenhe went through, but it still happened. ]
You're not as bad as most others. We should get some of this blood off.
[she wants the blood off, yeah. it's easy enough to get that set into motion, once lambda has suggested it. she's easy enough to push. time to get clean.]
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w5, thursday
Shenhe?
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she doesn't look up, just yet. she's probably also still sluggishly bleeding.]
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she doesn't sit next to her on the bench just yet. she doesn't want to startle. bleeding sluggishly is better than bleeding profusely. ]
... You aren't there anymore, wherever you were.
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I'm sorry. [is. what she says, wildly enough.]
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What are you sorry for?
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she doesn't think they knew it would break the world, but even still...
she sits down on the bench. ]
It's all right. I understand what it means to be a sacrifice, and I understand what's necessary to keep the world from breaking.
[ more softly: ] Thank you for not wanting to, even for a moment.
[ that means more to her than she could or would ever say. ]
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It shouldn't have been necessary. [she says, finally.] I slaughtered Nahri and Wolfwood to try and fix things and it did nothing.
[... she says this, and blood starts dripping from her eyes - kind of the way tears would. she doesn't seem to notice it, as she watches lambda sit.]
... But you're welcome. [she wants to acknowledge that, at least.]
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[ she knows a little, of the swords' mission. it's not too different from what she is contracted to do.
she lifts a sleeve to gently brush these blood tears away, if shenhe allows it. ]
History can be a mistake, even if it's required.
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she hasn't cried since she was six years old. this is new.]
It... it wasn't real. [she says, finally.] They should not have been there in the first place. The fact that history so violently tried to correct itself when it wasn't even true in the first place was...
[cruel? that seems like not a good enough word for it. she just trails off there. she just looks down at herself covered in blood. everything sucks.]
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[ however much gravity wants to put on this experience, lambda won't deny the tears she's seeing, not when she remembers the last time shenhe cried.
lambda lowers her hand. shenhe is covered in so much blood, and her sleeve can only do so much. ]
It's a bit unnecessary. [ maybe that's not a strong enough word, but it's a true enough word. ] The lessons history tries to teach those meant to save it or preserve it. The lessons that are never learned by the ones who don't have to try keep it. It's heartless.
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It's heartless. [she agrees.] I would not wish this on anybody.
[she absently just... wipes her hand on her clothes, and then looks up at lambda.]
Thank you. [for caring even a little bit. it makes her feel less alone.]
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You're not as bad as most others. We should get some of this blood off.
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[she wants the blood off, yeah. it's easy enough to get that set into motion, once lambda has suggested it. she's easy enough to push. time to get clean.]