BUT OH!! Oh?? Same hat...? Same hat! Matsui shifts a little so he can look at her a bit better. Why are these just two lineface weirdass birds with hidden fury.]
...And they help you in containing that anger? With no ill effect that you must bear?
[A normal and healthy person would probably be like THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE?? and probably talk about what a sacrifice it is to lose your wholeass emotional range just to combat anger.
Unfortunately Matsui is not normal, healthy or a person, so his gaze just drops to the side for a moment.]
If it doesn't trouble you, then I would not count it as an ill effect. Such a thing sounds useful... The human heart is a terrible burden.
[WHERE CAN HE GET SOME OF THOSE ROPES DAMN he may seem very emotionally restrained but his secret is that it's a thin veil containing his dramatic vampiric depression and murderous fury.]
It normally doesn't. [she says, tilting her head back. she's quiet, and then:] The girl Valerie asked me why I don't seem to be upset with the circumstance we've found ourselves in with some measure of distress, and I couldn't answer her.
[that bothered her a little, but it's also because she wasn't sure why she was being yelled at, so much.]
This is kind of sad, though. Teens are so emotional... Matsui just nods in understanding.]
It is difficult for many- [humans and young people] -to grasp differences in how others may approach painful situations, regardless of their reason for doing so.
[Which is his attempt at offering comfort of the "it ain't your fault" variety. GOOD QUESTION, THOUGH. Matsui looks down at his hands and probably disassociates for a second or something.]
--I struggle with emotion on a whole. [HELP.] They are painful and heavy things.
[thanks buddy, that helps. she lets there be silence just for a bit because she's really trying to think of how to respond to this like an empathetic person would. how would the traveler respond? respond the opposite of how paimon would, that's a good basis.]
Yes. [she says, finally.] You're right. Sometimes the painful outweighs everything else, but... it doesn't always.
I never know if I'd be better off with or without these. But sometimes I feel like it would be nice to see what the full range can be.
[HELP accurate ways of responding to other people when you don't know how to emotion yourself, honestly. Matsui is fine just sitting in the silence in the interim because it's a step above people just dipping because they can't handle him talking about blood and the weight of human sin.
He'll glance over once she starts talking again, though. Not to suggest bad ideas or anything, but:]
Would it be impossible for you to try for a short while and see what it's like? Whether or not it is something you would prefer? How long have you been living with them...?
[well listen she'd listen to him talk about blood and the weight of human sin, i guess]
I barely remember a time without them, really. [she says, absently.] ... I suppose I could try, but I think that I would want someone to make sure I didn't hurt someone innocent.
[CATHOLIC GUILT VAMPIRE LITMUS TEST: HOW SAD IS YOUR TRAGEDY.
He shakes his head, though. While he certainly understands the mindset behind asking, he's a sword who's used to giving freely to others and an asshole who would never give anything to anyone he disliked regardless of what he could get in exchange.]
I would not. I prefer to give help freely where I am able.
[the corners of her lips twitch a little at that.]
That's kind of you. [she rests a hand on his arm.] ... Then I will ask for your help in the future. I think it wouldn't be wise to do while we don't know what's going to happen. But when I have my footing...
[Resting a hand on the hand on his arm... Hand stack.]
That sounds like a wise idea. [Better safe than sorry and all, especially given the stakes of what they're DEALING WITH HERE...] But you may call upon me whenever you would like to give it a try.
[Even if, on thinking about it a little more, he's not sure if "in the middle of a life-or-death game post-mortem" is the best time to become reacquainted with long-lost emotions. It's fine, it's fine...]
[it's fine i'll just wait for the worst possible week to do it 8D]
If I replace the bindings, they should hold. So it should just be a matter of taking them on and off. [a sigh.] ... Does your team have an idea of what they'll do when we're allowed to erase each other?
[FLURRY FLURRYSON REALLY OUT HERE READY TO CAUSE MAXIMUM HAVOC]
That is good, at least. [Imagine if they just stopped working once they were off and she was stuck having to deal with emotions forever, wow. What a curse.
At the question, he's quiet and considering for a second.]
We haven't spoken of it openly yet. I could make some guesses... But even Rang will not act rashly at the start, I believe. What of yours?
also god, that'd be so funny. i just have to live with my decision to make her the hulk.]
Rang told me that Buzen was very much against it. But - yes. We briefly mentioned it. I told them not to expect people to play kindly, and they ignored me to talk about their skillsets.
[which she's like yeah ok FINE WHATEVER I GUESS!!! about but she can only be so mad.]
Buzen prefers to do things in the way that will involve the least death and bloodshed. [Will he still do a stab? Yeah! But he won't rejoice about it.]
Your advice is wise. Discussing skillsets is also important, but many... I worry that many will not have the mental fortitude or proper preparation for what will lie ahead.
I worry about that as well. [she closes her eyes.] Vash and Nahri both are uncomfortable with the thought of it. Wolfwood, though, I think, has the same thought as us.
[It's because they're all pragmatic and/or depressed and/or misanthropic and/or severely emotionally damaged.]
I would believe that to be true. [He had some same hat moments with the guy on the few occasions they've spoken.]
It's uncomfortable to understand that the people you speak to will either have to die for you, or you will have to die for them. [TO SAY THE LEAST.] Some may still want to hold onto the belief that there may be a way to get more of us out, or they may want to avoid looking the matter in the face until they no longer can, but that doesn't change our situation.
It doesn't. And I'm much less inclined to let that sort of belief earn me a knife in the back. [she folds her arms.] ... We will see how desperate things become.
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Without them, I have a hard time controlling my anger. It results in hurting innocent people. [and herself, but she doesn't mention that part.]
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BUT OH!! Oh?? Same hat...? Same hat! Matsui shifts a little so he can look at her a bit better. Why are these just two lineface weirdass birds with hidden fury.]
...And they help you in containing that anger? With no ill effect that you must bear?
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Yes. [a pause.] Well. I suppose they suppress most of my emotions. I don't feel much. I don't know if you consider this an ill effect.
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Unfortunately Matsui is not normal, healthy or a person, so his gaze just drops to the side for a moment.]
If it doesn't trouble you, then I would not count it as an ill effect. Such a thing sounds useful... The human heart is a terrible burden.
[WHERE CAN HE GET SOME OF THOSE ROPES DAMN he may seem very emotionally restrained but his secret is that it's a thin veil containing his dramatic vampiric depression and murderous fury.]
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It normally doesn't. [she says, tilting her head back. she's quiet, and then:] The girl Valerie asked me why I don't seem to be upset with the circumstance we've found ourselves in with some measure of distress, and I couldn't answer her.
[that bothered her a little, but it's also because she wasn't sure why she was being yelled at, so much.]
... Do you also struggle with anger?
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This is kind of sad, though. Teens are so emotional... Matsui just nods in understanding.]
It is difficult for many- [humans and young people] -to grasp differences in how others may approach painful situations, regardless of their reason for doing so.
[Which is his attempt at offering comfort of the "it ain't your fault" variety. GOOD QUESTION, THOUGH. Matsui looks down at his hands and probably disassociates for a second or something.]
--I struggle with emotion on a whole. [HELP.] They are painful and heavy things.
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Yes. [she says, finally.] You're right. Sometimes the painful outweighs everything else, but... it doesn't always.
I never know if I'd be better off with or without these. But sometimes I feel like it would be nice to see what the full range can be.
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He'll glance over once she starts talking again, though. Not to suggest bad ideas or anything, but:]
Would it be impossible for you to try for a short while and see what it's like? Whether or not it is something you would prefer? How long have you been living with them...?
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I barely remember a time without them, really. [she says, absently.] ... I suppose I could try, but I think that I would want someone to make sure I didn't hurt someone innocent.
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This is also sad. Sad enough that it even registers to Matsui as being kind of sad. He's quiet for a second as he considers, and then:]
...If you wish to try, I could offer my assistance. I believe that I may be strong enough to help if something were to go wrong.
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she looks at him, finally, tucking her hair behind her ear.]
... Would you require anything in exchange? [he was nice the fist time with the clothes, so she doesn't want to take advantage of his kindness.]
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He shakes his head, though. While he certainly understands the mindset behind asking, he's a sword who's used to giving freely to others and an asshole who would never give anything to anyone he disliked regardless of what he could get in exchange.]
I would not. I prefer to give help freely where I am able.
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That's kind of you. [she rests a hand on his arm.] ... Then I will ask for your help in the future. I think it wouldn't be wise to do while we don't know what's going to happen. But when I have my footing...
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That sounds like a wise idea. [Better safe than sorry and all, especially given the stakes of what they're DEALING WITH HERE...] But you may call upon me whenever you would like to give it a try.
[Even if, on thinking about it a little more, he's not sure if "in the middle of a life-or-death game post-mortem" is the best time to become reacquainted with long-lost emotions. It's fine, it's fine...]
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[it's fine i'll just wait for the worst possible week to do it 8D]
If I replace the bindings, they should hold. So it should just be a matter of taking them on and off. [a sigh.] ... Does your team have an idea of what they'll do when we're allowed to erase each other?
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That is good, at least. [Imagine if they just stopped working once they were off and she was stuck having to deal with emotions forever, wow. What a curse.
At the question, he's quiet and considering for a second.]
We haven't spoken of it openly yet. I could make some guesses... But even Rang will not act rashly at the start, I believe. What of yours?
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also god, that'd be so funny. i just have to live with my decision to make her the hulk.]
Rang told me that Buzen was very much against it. But - yes. We briefly mentioned it. I told them not to expect people to play kindly, and they ignored me to talk about their skillsets.
[which she's like yeah ok FINE WHATEVER I GUESS!!! about but she can only be so mad.]
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Buzen prefers to do things in the way that will involve the least death and bloodshed. [Will he still do a stab? Yeah! But he won't rejoice about it.]
Your advice is wise. Discussing skillsets is also important, but many... I worry that many will not have the mental fortitude or proper preparation for what will lie ahead.
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I worry about that as well. [she closes her eyes.] Vash and Nahri both are uncomfortable with the thought of it. Wolfwood, though, I think, has the same thought as us.
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I would believe that to be true. [He had some same hat moments with the guy on the few occasions they've spoken.]
It's uncomfortable to understand that the people you speak to will either have to die for you, or you will have to die for them. [TO SAY THE LEAST.] Some may still want to hold onto the belief that there may be a way to get more of us out, or they may want to avoid looking the matter in the face until they no longer can, but that doesn't change our situation.
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It doesn't. And I'm much less inclined to let that sort of belief earn me a knife in the back. [she folds her arms.] ... We will see how desperate things become.
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We will. [...] My apologies; I've turned a moment of respite into something dour.
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I helped. [she says, leaning against him again.] I don't mind. We can still enjoy the moment.
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He'll lean back, though, humming. That's true... Life (AND DEATH???) is always suffering but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the moment.]
You have a good point. I will enjoy it with you, then.