[she glances at him.] I was afraid. I thought that you would kill someone. That everybody would vote for you, and that you would be gone, and so would Rang. I was scared to lose you, so I tried to stop it from happening. I didn't realize that it didn't matter.
[because he got eaten by a shark the next day so]
It wasn't because I didn't want you to grieve, or that I thought it inconvenient. [a faint sense of annoyance, and a distant thought of people assume things they shouldn't.]
[NOOOOO Shenhe... There's a little sense of understanding, and something tender. Having his pain and grief taken from him was deeply upsetting, as he'd mentioned once or twice, but Matsui isn't Rang, whose assumptions and the negativity therein had always stemmed from a place of hurt, too.
He had never assumed that it was done out of malicious intent, or because someone simply didn't want to deal with the weight of his sorrow. Even if he hadn't guessed at this particular reason, he had always assumed that it was someone trying to help.
Wordlessly, he'll hold his arms open. He's no Buzen, but he knows when to offer a hug all the same.]
[she watches him hold his arms open, and without hesitation she comes closer and wraps her arms around him. she rests her head on his shoulder and hugs him tightly - it's so much less clumsy than it used to be. she's had practice.
she doesn't say anything either, she just hugs him for a little bit. this is okay.]
[Likewise, he's had plenty of practice with this. His hugs aren't as warm or welcoming, but he holds fiercely, and that alone conveys the emotions he wants to share.
After a few moments, though, he'll speak anyway, with his arms still around her.]
I am sorry... For causing you to be afraid. For things turning out in the way that they did. [Even if they were reunited JUST A WEEK LATER fucking help.] I am not angry. Though I didn't understand the reasoning and it was upsetting to lose my grief, I did not think that it was done out of malice. Now I do understand, and I do not hold your choice against you.
[If anything, there's just that thread of ever-present guilt, because he caused Shenhe to feel like she had to act at all. Because he was so unstable, because he couldn't even pretend that he wanted to live after Buzen's death.
It's funny, because he was already afraid of the fact that some people felt closer to him before any of that unfolded.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
That was one, yes. [HIS BACK TO BACK BOOMERANGED CURSESSS. He doesn't ask what she means; he just waits to see where she's going with this.]
no subject
[she glances at him.] I was afraid. I thought that you would kill someone. That everybody would vote for you, and that you would be gone, and so would Rang. I was scared to lose you, so I tried to stop it from happening. I didn't realize that it didn't matter.
[because he got eaten by a shark the next day so]
It wasn't because I didn't want you to grieve, or that I thought it inconvenient. [a faint sense of annoyance, and a distant thought of people assume things they shouldn't.]
no subject
He had never assumed that it was done out of malicious intent, or because someone simply didn't want to deal with the weight of his sorrow. Even if he hadn't guessed at this particular reason, he had always assumed that it was someone trying to help.
Wordlessly, he'll hold his arms open. He's no Buzen, but he knows when to offer a hug all the same.]
no subject
she doesn't say anything either, she just hugs him for a little bit. this is okay.]
no subject
After a few moments, though, he'll speak anyway, with his arms still around her.]
I am sorry... For causing you to be afraid. For things turning out in the way that they did. [Even if they were reunited JUST A WEEK LATER fucking help.] I am not angry. Though I didn't understand the reasoning and it was upsetting to lose my grief, I did not think that it was done out of malice. Now I do understand, and I do not hold your choice against you.
[If anything, there's just that thread of ever-present guilt, because he caused Shenhe to feel like she had to act at all. Because he was so unstable, because he couldn't even pretend that he wanted to live after Buzen's death.
It's funny, because he was already afraid of the fact that some people felt closer to him before any of that unfolded.]