It puts some things into perspective, that's for sure! He recognizes so many parts of this, and the parts that he doesn't recognize helps other things slot into place. The cruelty of life bears down on all who walk any version of a world, it seems... And - because such actions are impossibly human, the things this father has done in his madness and grief - it seems that humanity, too, is cursed to bear the same weights anywhere it goes.
It's a sorrowful thing. A tragic thing. The cyclical wheel of death and birth and survival is ceaseless and unchanging.
Matsui blinks away the memory and almost immediately looks toward Shenhe, also silent. The hand in hers gives a very gentle squeeze.]
...I am sorry for the intrusion. [...] I am sorry that you came to know these things.
It's... alright. [she doesn't mind that he's seen it. she figures that he knew some of it already, that she's explained enough to him, so it doesn't feel as bad as it might otherwise.]
I've been unlearning some of these things, while I've been here, I think.
[slowly but surely learning how to trust people, and how to let them in.]
As Matsui watches her face, there's something in his expression that softens a little. Though he ultimately views humanity as a doomed tragedy, he can recognize the beauty in things like this, too. The resilience. The ability to unlearn harmful things, and learn anew how to live well.]
It must be somewhat frightening... [Letting those changes happen, after this. Letting people in again.] ...But I am glad, if you've been able to do that.
Yes. [she says, with a tiny laugh, something almost incredulous.] I haven't felt fear since - then, I think.
But once, Wolfwood was angry at me because I told him that I couldn't enjoy the foods here because I wouldn't be able to when I went back, and I felt it. [the fear of disappointing someone.] I felt it when Nahri looked at me like she was scared of me, when I tried to fight Wolfwood.
And I felt it when I heard Buzen had died, for you, and for Rang.
[...]
It translates so easily to anger. I'm trying. You have been very understanding of this.
[He's quiet for a second, listening to all these little moments of pain and reclaimed humanity, listening to the troubles she's run into in the bonds she's allowing to form.
The heart is a terrible burden, but pain and love do come in equal measures - that's often the case, at least.]
...Mm. It would be hypocritical if I didn't understand. Human hearts are fickle and complicated things, after all... Even if you want them to feel a certain way, or you wish to react to them in a certain way, they won't always listen.
[Or often listen, honestly... HEARTS!!!! His mortal enemy.]
Navigating the difficulties of the heart is simply a part of being alive.
[It is one of the many reasons why like 90% of the time he simply doesn't want to be. He has a few more little tethers now, but Buzen is always the biggest one.
THEIR MEMORY ATTACKS HELP Matsui just nods at this, though.]
Yes. Let's.
[He'll let go of her hand just long enough to push himself back to his feet, and then extend it out again.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Well.
It puts some things into perspective, that's for sure! He recognizes so many parts of this, and the parts that he doesn't recognize helps other things slot into place. The cruelty of life bears down on all who walk any version of a world, it seems... And - because such actions are impossibly human, the things this father has done in his madness and grief - it seems that humanity, too, is cursed to bear the same weights anywhere it goes.
It's a sorrowful thing. A tragic thing. The cyclical wheel of death and birth and survival is ceaseless and unchanging.
Matsui blinks away the memory and almost immediately looks toward Shenhe, also silent. The hand in hers gives a very gentle squeeze.]
...I am sorry for the intrusion. [...] I am sorry that you came to know these things.
no subject
she sighs out slow.]
It's... alright. [she doesn't mind that he's seen it. she figures that he knew some of it already, that she's explained enough to him, so it doesn't feel as bad as it might otherwise.]
I've been unlearning some of these things, while I've been here, I think.
[slowly but surely learning how to trust people, and how to let them in.]
no subject
As Matsui watches her face, there's something in his expression that softens a little. Though he ultimately views humanity as a doomed tragedy, he can recognize the beauty in things like this, too. The resilience. The ability to unlearn harmful things, and learn anew how to live well.]
It must be somewhat frightening... [Letting those changes happen, after this. Letting people in again.] ...But I am glad, if you've been able to do that.
[Even in a place like this.]
no subject
But once, Wolfwood was angry at me because I told him that I couldn't enjoy the foods here because I wouldn't be able to when I went back, and I felt it. [the fear of disappointing someone.] I felt it when Nahri looked at me like she was scared of me, when I tried to fight Wolfwood.
And I felt it when I heard Buzen had died, for you, and for Rang.
[...]
It translates so easily to anger. I'm trying. You have been very understanding of this.
no subject
The heart is a terrible burden, but pain and love do come in equal measures - that's often the case, at least.]
...Mm. It would be hypocritical if I didn't understand. Human hearts are fickle and complicated things, after all... Even if you want them to feel a certain way, or you wish to react to them in a certain way, they won't always listen.
[Or often listen, honestly... HEARTS!!!! His mortal enemy.]
Navigating the difficulties of the heart is simply a part of being alive.
no subject
[ugh. what if she doesn't want to navigate the difficulties of the heart, though. it was easier before.
she lets that sink in for a bit, and then:]
... I'd like to go to the park, still, if you'd like to go. [they can be attacked by memories more later.]
no subject
[It is one of the many reasons why like 90% of the time he simply doesn't want to be. He has a few more little tethers now, but Buzen is always the biggest one.
THEIR MEMORY ATTACKS HELP Matsui just nods at this, though.]
Yes. Let's.
[He'll let go of her hand just long enough to push himself back to his feet, and then extend it out again.]