[ Help. He shifts a bit when he can feel that heat just graze his fading pastel blue hair, just close to blackening strands atop the lock block of black hair near his left ear.
[ WAIT DO I HAVE BURNT STRANDS NOW i guess i will take it may i follow you to the grave ]
... I don't think anything I say would make sense. [ He isn't sure if he wants to go through voicing what he felt. Some fear that he'd latch onto those insecurities again. ] It isn't too different from what I felt setting Gerard and Wolfwood up when I was cursed.
[ He can feel the tremble of anxiety coming, wrought by the weekly effect. ]
I... [ Sometimes, you are so used to hiding everything and it's difficult to offer clarity. It's easier to let others assume, but... He doesn't want Shenhe to hate him. He owes her some honesty. ] Wanted him to see it'd be better to let me go.
[ Better with someone else, someone better. He shakes his head. ]
It was stupid, pointless, and selfish of me.
Edited (WHY DID IT SUBMIT EARLy) 2023-07-08 05:14 (UTC)
[the way i didn't even get the original notif just this one]
... Vash.
[she sighs.
and then, carefully, she makes her way over to him, and crouches in front of him. she watches him for a moment, and then reaches to pat the side of his face. come on. look at her.]
You're right. That doesn't make sense. [...] I see that I was correct when I compared you to Kaveh.
You will never make anybody here think it is better to let you go. Especially not him. Me, either, though I am considering breaking your arm.
[ He SIGhhhsss. What can he do when she's a brat? Be a brat back? No, he's in the wrong... So he finally looks at her, but his eyes are without mirth and cheer. There's just weariness and guilt. ]
... All of you have been so kind to me. [ And honestly, it makes him so happy. Carefully, he words this. ] This stupid week is making me feel like I don't deserve it.
[oh. that makes sense. wow, actually, suddenly a few things make sense, and she frowns. no wonder she's been thinking she sucks more at social interaction this week.]
You do. [she doesn't look away.] I wouldn't tell you this if it wasn't true.
[he would know if she thought he didn't deserve kindness]
[ it's okay shenhe it has taken him a couple of breakdowns to realize this was abnormal ]
... Even if I told you that I'm a monster? [ He can feel his nerves rattling, threatening to spiral, and with awareness he tries to tightly grasp onto composure. ] —sorry. That slipped.
[ Maybe they just have different definitions, but he sees them as people who are just maneuvering life through the complicated problems. They really are going to stay crouched on the floor because Vash is like I am just a worm. ]
I am one. [ Shaking his head rapidly like a dog trying to dry itself after a bath. ] But that isn't the point. I'm here to apologize for the shitty thing I did.
Hm. Well. Unfortunately for you, your word isn't law.
[so she doesn't have to believe him on any of those things! not that she follows laws anyway. she's totally fine with just being on the floor, honestly, her bones can take it.]
You have apologized and I have mostly forgiven you. I want to hear why you are one.
[ Vash was about to ask if Shenhe has any laws she had to follow in the first place? Would this even matter? They're really just creatures because they're fine with such bad positions for the human body.
Fear hits him like a truck at considering telling her. In general, anyone learning the truth to his awful existence leaves him anxious. What if she becomes scared of him? What if she leaves? It would be right of her, he thinks. ]
I was born one. [ And that's not something he can change. ] Just a walking death wish... I could raze cities in an instant—and I have. It could have been the whole planet, even galaxy. I was a threat to mankind.
... He'd rather not, but he owes her answers after cursing the shit out of her and then later she dies oop. So he feels guilty enough, despite wanting to hide. ]
... I'm not human. Not a spirit, or anything from the divine, either.
"Plants" where I'm from is a term... They are manmade resource power plants, capable of drawing energy to procure any necessity for human survival. Water, food, light, trees, electricity, gravity, oxygen—they can provide it all as long as they're cared for. They cannot live outside of the bubble biome and they need maintenance, so they rely on mankind.
My brother and I were a scientific miracle. Born from a plant, we were independent beings, able to walk and talk like humans. However, our powers were catastrophic. Plants come in two varieties. Ones that draw energy, which includes my brother, he could manipulate and weaponize it. The other type of plant can expel energy.
[ He closes his eyes, trying to calm down the insecure nerves, however they get to him. The area around the corner of his eyes change texture, growing short ligaments that mimic white feathers with crevices that could be mistaken for markings. They flare at the wild emotions, but this is just the flavor text i got approved to be able to do because it's biological and ultimately they don't do anything. ]
They can create a void... And it can swallow everything in its path. Planets, galaxies, can fall into this black hole.
[she says, gently. she reaches for his hands, or for any part of him, just to... well, reassure, but also show that she isn't scared of him, or repulsed. she will always reach. whatever he is, she's seen who he is. and she trusts that over anything else.]
... You are a little like the swords were. [made by and used by humans.] Do you want to know what Ylfa told me, once?
[ For a moment, those feathers flare and extend, but they shorten like they're being stifled by an unknown force. He doesn't step away, or run, he lets this happen because in the end... He just wants to be with other people.
Quiet, he simply looks at her. How is he supposed to know? What can he even expect? Is it about being a monster? It must be.
He isn't sure how much of it would help him, but any type of salvation would be preferable than the mess that is his mind. Even if it lasts for a short time. ]
Monsters are the ones who decide who gets hurt, and who gets saved.
[she holds his hands, gentle still - doesn't touch the feathers or try and pet them, for now. he's giving her trust, and she wants to honor that.]
I don't think you are one. But... [she glances up at him.] It has helped me to think of things that way. That whatever I am, that whatever you are, you try to help. You have helped. You have helped me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ A small wave before a pause... Then prostrates himself. Look at him, he's just pathetic. ]
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like, it very intentionally is aimed so it won't hit him, but she does do that.]
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BUT HE STAYS PUT, IN THE SAME POSITION!!! ]
I'm sorry.
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also i shouldn't have thrown a fireball at you because now you're going to try to be sus in trial. man.]
You cursed us. Explain.
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... I don't think anything I say would make sense. [ He isn't sure if he wants to go through voicing what he felt. Some fear that he'd latch onto those insecurities again. ] It isn't too different from what I felt setting Gerard and Wolfwood up when I was cursed.
[ He can feel the tremble of anxiety coming, wrought by the weekly effect. ]
I... [ Sometimes, you are so used to hiding everything and it's difficult to offer clarity. It's easier to let others assume, but... He doesn't want Shenhe to hate him. He owes her some honesty. ] Wanted him to see it'd be better to let me go.
[ Better with someone else, someone better. He shakes his head. ]
It was stupid, pointless, and selfish of me.
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... Vash.
[she sighs.
and then, carefully, she makes her way over to him, and crouches in front of him. she watches him for a moment, and then reaches to pat the side of his face. come on. look at her.]
You're right. That doesn't make sense. [...] I see that I was correct when I compared you to Kaveh.
You will never make anybody here think it is better to let you go. Especially not him. Me, either, though I am considering breaking your arm.
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I need that?!
[ Everything else he'll touch once he has this reprieve. ]
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[she says, like a brat but like, it's mostly for show. he's right, she'd never hurt him, not seriously. not on purpose.]
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... All of you have been so kind to me. [ And honestly, it makes him so happy. Carefully, he words this. ] This stupid week is making me feel like I don't deserve it.
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[oh. that makes sense. wow, actually, suddenly a few things make sense, and she frowns. no wonder she's been thinking she sucks more at social interaction this week.]
You do. [she doesn't look away.] I wouldn't tell you this if it wasn't true.
[he would know if she thought he didn't deserve kindness]
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... Even if I told you that I'm a monster? [ He can feel his nerves rattling, threatening to spiral, and with awareness he tries to tightly grasp onto composure. ] —sorry. That slipped.
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We are a team full of them. So yes. Even if. [that slipped, he says, but she shifts, resting her hand on his shoulder.]
Do you believe that you are one? [don't lie to her she's dead]
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[ Maybe they just have different definitions, but he sees them as people who are just maneuvering life through the complicated problems. They really are going to stay crouched on the floor because Vash is like I am just a worm. ]
I am one. [ Shaking his head rapidly like a dog trying to dry itself after a bath. ] But that isn't the point. I'm here to apologize for the shitty thing I did.
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[so she doesn't have to believe him on any of those things! not that she follows laws anyway. she's totally fine with just being on the floor, honestly, her bones can take it.]
You have apologized and I have mostly forgiven you. I want to hear why you are one.
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Fear hits him like a truck at considering telling her. In general, anyone learning the truth to his awful existence leaves him anxious. What if she becomes scared of him? What if she leaves? It would be right of her, he thinks. ]
I was born one. [ And that's not something he can change. ] Just a walking death wish... I could raze cities in an instant—and I have. It could have been the whole planet, even galaxy. I was a threat to mankind.
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You are a threat to mankind? [this is so mean but like, he lets her beat him up so much that she's like are you sure. at least it isn't fear!]
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Stop that. [she's so exasperated]
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[ He'S JUST ON THE FLOOR ]
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Explain more. [talk about your past since i CAN'T GET YOU FOR MEMSHARE HUFFS]
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... He'd rather not, but he owes her answers after cursing the shit out of her and then later she dies oop. So he feels guilty enough, despite wanting to hide. ]
... I'm not human. Not a spirit, or anything from the divine, either.
"Plants" where I'm from is a term... They are manmade resource power plants, capable of drawing energy to procure any necessity for human survival. Water, food, light, trees, electricity, gravity, oxygen—they can provide it all as long as they're cared for. They cannot live outside of the bubble biome and they need maintenance, so they rely on mankind.
My brother and I were a scientific miracle. Born from a plant, we were independent beings, able to walk and talk like humans. However, our powers were catastrophic. Plants come in two varieties. Ones that draw energy, which includes my brother, he could manipulate and weaponize it. The other type of plant can expel energy.
[ He closes his eyes, trying to calm down the insecure nerves, however they get to him. The area around the corner of his eyes change texture, growing short ligaments that mimic white feathers with crevices that could be mistaken for markings. They flare at the wild emotions, but this is just the flavor text i got approved to be able to do because it's biological and ultimately they don't do anything. ]
They can create a void... And it can swallow everything in its path. Planets, galaxies, can fall into this black hole.
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And you are this variety.
[she says, gently. she reaches for his hands, or for any part of him, just to... well, reassure, but also show that she isn't scared of him, or repulsed. she will always reach. whatever he is, she's seen who he is. and she trusts that over anything else.]
... You are a little like the swords were. [made by and used by humans.] Do you want to know what Ylfa told me, once?
[this has a point.]
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Quiet, he simply looks at her. How is he supposed to know? What can he even expect? Is it about being a monster? It must be.
He isn't sure how much of it would help him, but any type of salvation would be preferable than the mess that is his mind. Even if it lasts for a short time. ]
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[she holds his hands, gentle still - doesn't touch the feathers or try and pet them, for now. he's giving her trust, and she wants to honor that.]
I don't think you are one. But... [she glances up at him.] It has helped me to think of things that way. That whatever I am, that whatever you are, you try to help. You have helped. You have helped me.
That says more about you than anything else.