[ oh boy. he can sort of sense them shuttering away, and there's a brief blip of worry there that he lets drop after a moment. if this is what shenhe needs, then...he'll let it be. ]
We'll just have to make sure he's okay enough to get through tomorrow. It's not going to be easy on anybody, but...I also can't really imagine having his luck right now.
[it's a little weird, actually. even when she was muted before, there were little hints of things that made it through. curiosity or worry or anything, but there's nothing at all, now.]
I don't think there's anything that could make him stay. [she says, with a tone to match, just staring at jonas.
[ it's a little scary. he knows that she's said before that her bindings keep her emotions in check, but considering the things happening this week and how even those were felt from her, the complete lack is pretty obvious. ]
Stay where though...I think tomorrow will be enough incentive for him to be there.
[ if only to find who was responsible. he seems surprised by the question though, blinking a little before nodding. ]
I'll be fine. Buzen and I weren't close, and even if I'm kind of worried about Matsui there isn't much I can do now. But I feel like I should be asking you that instead.
I won't lie to you and say that I didn't have the same thought. [ firmly. this is about the only thing he really has been sure of since he heard the news. he still hopes that isn't true and that this isn't how it'll go, but...the possibility being there is enough.
...but hm... ]
...are you purposefully shutting down to make this easier, Shenhe?
[ unfortunately she gets to feel little threads of worry from him anyway. ]
Yeah. No, I know you will, I'm just. [ he doesn't know how to explain why, exactly, he's worried about this. other than it is pretty obvious considering he tries so hard to be blank himself and fails usually. ]
...maybe I'm worried about what'll happen when the feelings come back. [ if it's overwhelming for her, he means. ]
[ jonas, screaming: WHAT IS HAPPENING. but it's fine. he can do his best to calm down again. ]
I hope it isn't. I hope you're at least allowed to wait until things are over to deal with the backlash in a way that's comfortable. [ also, being destructive during this trial in particular sounds bad. ]
...I don't want to use you like that. That's not really fair either.
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[well, uh. fun story: her emotions shut off entirely somewhere in there. wild. there's just nothing at all, not even void. she is just Flat.]
Yes. I also understand. I don't expect an answer either.
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We'll just have to make sure he's okay enough to get through tomorrow. It's not going to be easy on anybody, but...I also can't really imagine having his luck right now.
[ matsu really has just. gone through it. ]
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I don't think there's anything that could make him stay. [she says, with a tone to match, just staring at jonas.
a pause.] Will you be alright?
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Stay where though...I think tomorrow will be enough incentive for him to be there.
[ if only to find who was responsible. he seems surprised by the question though, blinking a little before nodding. ]
I'll be fine. Buzen and I weren't close, and even if I'm kind of worried about Matsui there isn't much I can do now. But I feel like I should be asking you that instead.
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[bluntly. she looks down at her hands.]
I'm... fine. I don't feel anything. [there's no concern, no nothing. no confusion or distress that she doesn't. hm.]
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...but hm... ]
...are you purposefully shutting down to make this easier, Shenhe?
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[she trails off. still nothing.]
There's nothing. [not panic, or injustice, or anything at all. her brow furrows slightly.] I suppose this will make it easier tomorrow.
[there's not even any emotion to her voice.]
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...sure. But... [ he's trying to understand. ] I don't get how this just...happened.
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I don't either. [a pause, as she looks at him.] ... I'll be alright.
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Yeah. No, I know you will, I'm just. [ he doesn't know how to explain why, exactly, he's worried about this. other than it is pretty obvious considering he tries so hard to be blank himself and fails usually. ]
...maybe I'm worried about what'll happen when the feelings come back. [ if it's overwhelming for her, he means. ]
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but she can kind of distantly feel the worry, even though she doesn't feel any herself.]
I will find somewhere away from people if it ends up being destructive. [...] If you need someone to take from during trial, I'll be here.
[she can be useful as a zen center, she thinks.]
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I hope it isn't. I hope you're at least allowed to wait until things are over to deal with the backlash in a way that's comfortable. [ also, being destructive during this trial in particular sounds bad. ]
...I don't want to use you like that. That's not really fair either.
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It wouldn't be using me if I agree to it. [she says, looking down at her shark. a pause.] ... Buzen got this for me. Its name is Fate.
[she should be sad here, but she isn't. she can't.]
I wonder if he kept the small car I gave him.
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They're good to have. [ a nod to the shark. ] Buzen struck me as a person who would keep gifts, so I don't doubt it. ...what car?