I don't blame you. This whole thing has been kind of weird and annoying since you guys came back to this side. But it should be fixed by tomorrow...I hope?
No, um. I know. I understood at the time, and I still appreciate it. [ awkwardly. but no less sincerely. ] Monday was just...a rough day for a lot of reasons, but I never thought less about what you said. It's really going to depend on Alex though. I know what I want for the both of us, but I don't want to take that choice from her either.
I know that Alex is important. [she says, tilting her head.] But you should also make decisions for yourself. The decision for yourself doesn't always need to be based on what she chooses.
[like, she imagines he knows this, but also. she's a very independent person. she worries.
but also shenhe isn't sure she could be the happiest that she can be without nahri at this point so like. that's fair, she guesses. she watches him for a moment.]
Alright. [she says.] ... I will miss you.
[she's been told no politely so many times when she's offered that she's kind of just expecting it here, too.]
I didn't say we wouldn't go to Teyvat. It's that Alex and I haven't officially decided yet because the last time we tried--[ unfortunately. she just gets a flare of embarrassment before it settles. ]--she didn't want to think about it much until we knew if world traveling was even an option. We haven't talked about it much since then. That's a today conversation.
[ so it's not a no. it's a "i need to see what alex really thinks now that the option's here." ]
Frankly, I don't want her to go back. I can't let her go back. But I don't feel right forcing her to abandon the only home she's ever known just because I don't have any roots myself anymore. She says it's up to me, but I want her to choose because she's...lately, all of the choices she's been able to make have been ones she was forced into. I want this one to be hers, specifically.
[ he wants alex to regain her independence, too. ]
[poor jonas this really isn't his fault that she's like this, she's just asked like four people today and they've been like no actually i have to go home and die so she's just slowly expiring.
she's a bit like ? at the embarrassment, but.]
That is what I told Nahri. [to make a decision for herself, not for her world or for anything or anybody else.] You did not ask for advice on this, and I'm glad because I couldn't give you any. I told Nahri that she was being stupid.
[ help shenhe noooo. also yeah don't worry about the embarrassment she does not need to know that jonas and alex tried to talk about it and then instead got derailed with making out because alex sucks at coping.
I care about you, too. That's the only reason I even brought up Teyvat to Alex the other day. [ so. ] It's still...hard, sometimes, to talk to people about things, even if things seem like things maybe they would understand the same way you do. But that's the thing about you. I never have to question if you care. I hope you never feel like I don't feel the same way.
I know you do. [she could hear it in the letters he sent her, and in the way he spoke to her before she died.] I just wanted you to hear it out loud. I think that you deserve that.
[because so many of the people she cares about never hear it. and she thinks she is one of the only people here who isn't allergic to feelings. she just never had access to them.]
...I appreciate it. Really. You know I never needed that from you, but hearing it is...really nice. Even if we are in the same place later, I don't think people should regret saying these kinds of things to each other.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I don't blame you. This whole thing has been kind of weird and annoying since you guys came back to this side. But it should be fixed by tomorrow...I hope?
no subject
I hope so too. [...] Have you decided on what you'll do next, Jonas?
[a beat.] I hope that by now you understand what I was alluding to the other day was that you can come to Teyvat if you want.
no subject
No, um. I know. I understood at the time, and I still appreciate it. [ awkwardly. but no less sincerely. ] Monday was just...a rough day for a lot of reasons, but I never thought less about what you said. It's really going to depend on Alex though. I know what I want for the both of us, but I don't want to take that choice from her either.
no subject
I know that Alex is important. [she says, tilting her head.] But you should also make decisions for yourself. The decision for yourself doesn't always need to be based on what she chooses.
[like, she imagines he knows this, but also. she's a very independent person. she worries.
and she's maybe being a little selfish, too.]
no subject
It's...no, I know it doesn't have to be. But I want it to be. [ ... ] I can't leave her. I don't think I could be happy without her.
[ which is sort of an insane thing to say, but it's also pretty much how he views things at the moment. ]
no subject
but also shenhe isn't sure she could be the happiest that she can be without nahri at this point so like. that's fair, she guesses. she watches him for a moment.]
Alright. [she says.] ... I will miss you.
[she's been told no politely so many times when she's offered that she's kind of just expecting it here, too.]
no subject
I didn't say we wouldn't go to Teyvat. It's that Alex and I haven't officially decided yet because the last time we tried--[ unfortunately. she just gets a flare of embarrassment before it settles. ]--she didn't want to think about it much until we knew if world traveling was even an option. We haven't talked about it much since then. That's a today conversation.
[ so it's not a no. it's a "i need to see what alex really thinks now that the option's here." ]
Frankly, I don't want her to go back. I can't let her go back. But I don't feel right forcing her to abandon the only home she's ever known just because I don't have any roots myself anymore. She says it's up to me, but I want her to choose because she's...lately, all of the choices she's been able to make have been ones she was forced into. I want this one to be hers, specifically.
[ he wants alex to regain her independence, too. ]
no subject
she's a bit like ? at the embarrassment, but.]
That is what I told Nahri. [to make a decision for herself, not for her world or for anything or anybody else.] You did not ask for advice on this, and I'm glad because I couldn't give you any. I told Nahri that she was being stupid.
[in. so many words.]
no subject
instead, he hums at that. ]
And what did Nahri say to that?
no subject
She said I was right and that she will come back with me. [... ok well that's not how the conversation went but it's close enough]
no subject
no subject
... I missed her, too. [but she refuses to get sidetracked, here. firmly:] Whatever you decide, Jonas, I care about you.
I want you to know that.
no subject
I care about you, too. That's the only reason I even brought up Teyvat to Alex the other day. [ so. ] It's still...hard, sometimes, to talk to people about things, even if things seem like things maybe they would understand the same way you do. But that's the thing about you. I never have to question if you care. I hope you never feel like I don't feel the same way.
no subject
I know you do. [she could hear it in the letters he sent her, and in the way he spoke to her before she died.] I just wanted you to hear it out loud. I think that you deserve that.
[because so many of the people she cares about never hear it. and she thinks she is one of the only people here who isn't allergic to feelings. she just never had access to them.]
no subject
...I appreciate it. Really. You know I never needed that from you, but hearing it is...really nice. Even if we are in the same place later, I don't think people should regret saying these kinds of things to each other.