his expression doesn't change or slacken even an inch. just the steady motion of his shirt rubbing against the lenses on his glasses, and a long moment of quiet. ]
... I don't particularly want to watch that team implode any further than it already has. [ once again not an answer, but it looks like he's cognizant of it, at least, because after a slight pause - like he has to sort through his mental walls, has to decide if he's going to unlock a trap door made of steel and remove a padlock - ] Pain is a reminder.
[ what is it like? to be able to just admit to things like that? to say i'm not human, something about me is wrong, and to live that way? for fei du, who wears a thousand different faces, it feels like it's impossible. to just admit it would be a crime.
... ]
Better me, I think, than one of them. [ than someone else who it would hurt more. (even if it would hurt him, too, for one reason or another.) better to be the one to take the blame. ] Or something like that.
I don't want D to do it. [ any of them, but especially him. ] Matsui is injured. Buzen could handle it, I suppose, and I'll never understand the idea of honorable deaths, or being the one to make the final blow for the sake of a code, as anything but an outsider. Frankly, I'm not sure if I trust him not to try and die alongside Rang. I don't want to see Ylfa in there. Maybe that's selfish of me.
An unassociated party makes it a little cleaner. Simpler. [ "unassociated", like he wasn't rang's friend. ] Though, in the karma of it all, if this place chooses cruelly, it will end up being Haru.
... Buzen would not, as long as Matsui is here. [she also doesn't really understand honorable deaths. but she thinks she knows this much.] Matsui, I think, would be more likely to die. To make amends.
[she tucks her hair behind her ear.]
... I don't want it to protect other people. [she says, honestly.] I would volunteer because I would want the satisfaction.
[...]
You're right, though. It may be Haru, if only because it would be the worst to watch.
[ that's fair. he smiles a little bit, leaning over to look at her properly. ]
Your reason makes sense to me. [ the satisfaction bit. much more than the honor thing, anyway. fei du doesn't have a nearly warrior enough mindset to consider any of that, but satisfaction and vengeance? that's the kind of thing that runs through every culture, through every person, human or otherwise.
the bit about haru has him close his eyes, briefly. ]
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[ haha! ]
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I would, also. In fact, I think I'd be more angry if I didn't get to deliver the final blow.
[she has zero leg to stand on]
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I can't say that's all that surprising to hear.
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You are not answering my question.
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[ the answer comes a bit wry, almost idle, as he reaches up to take off his glasses, cleaning the lenses with his shirt. ]
I don't really feel emotions the way normal people do.
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Neither do I. [maybe like she's reminding him. but it makes her look him over for a long moment, and then:] You're hurting yourself again.
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his expression doesn't change or slacken even an inch. just the steady motion of his shirt rubbing against the lenses on his glasses, and a long moment of quiet. ]
... I don't particularly want to watch that team implode any further than it already has. [ once again not an answer, but it looks like he's cognizant of it, at least, because after a slight pause - like he has to sort through his mental walls, has to decide if he's going to unlock a trap door made of steel and remove a padlock - ] Pain is a reminder.
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It can be. [she won't argue that. she shifts.] I am fond of all four of them. They have been... more understanding, than most.
[they understand what it's like to feel inhuman.]
I understand, I think. I wonder if we want to volunteer for the same reasons.
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... ]
Better me, I think, than one of them. [ than someone else who it would hurt more. (even if it would hurt him, too, for one reason or another.) better to be the one to take the blame. ] Or something like that.
I don't want D to do it. [ any of them, but especially him. ] Matsui is injured. Buzen could handle it, I suppose, and I'll never understand the idea of honorable deaths, or being the one to make the final blow for the sake of a code, as anything but an outsider. Frankly, I'm not sure if I trust him not to try and die alongside Rang. I don't want to see Ylfa in there. Maybe that's selfish of me.
An unassociated party makes it a little cleaner. Simpler. [ "unassociated", like he wasn't rang's friend. ] Though, in the karma of it all, if this place chooses cruelly, it will end up being Haru.
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[she tucks her hair behind her ear.]
... I don't want it to protect other people. [she says, honestly.] I would volunteer because I would want the satisfaction.
[...]
You're right, though. It may be Haru, if only because it would be the worst to watch.
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Your reason makes sense to me. [ the satisfaction bit. much more than the honor thing, anyway. fei du doesn't have a nearly warrior enough mindset to consider any of that, but satisfaction and vengeance? that's the kind of thing that runs through every culture, through every person, human or otherwise.
the bit about haru has him close his eyes, briefly. ]
And the least fair fight.