I know. [ he'd be surprised if anyone did, really. ] I don't think anyone expects you to.
[ he knows, too, it could get worse. he knows there's a giant target painted on the back of sweet theory, now, but he doesn't say it. he doesn't say what feels like it could be inevitable - there's a not small chance i'll be the next one dead.
instead, he just focuses on the folding, very carefully pressing down to make a squash fold. focuses on keeping his emotions taut and giving shenhe somewhere to pour hers. ]
[it's funny - she doesn't blame any of them but libby. and if anybody else does, she'd be surprised. she'd been the same way, with count d. she hadn't blamed any of the other members of bdsm because even if they'd known, it's not like they could've said anything.
she knows the rules. she knows the game. and she thinks that if she were to kill someone, her team wouldn't throw her under the bus, either, if they knew. she understands the way this is played.
she wonders if anybody else thinks like her. or if she's just too pragmatic in that sense. if she's different with this, like she's different with everything else. if she's setting up to lose another person she cares about.
shenhe is silent, for a bit. that sensation of wanting to cry is still there, but it's fading, slowly. there's just exhaustion left over by the time she finishes folding.
she rests her head back on fei du's shoulder.]
I'm not angry with you. [she says, staring down at her work.] Stay. Please.
I think we established that yesterday, with the fireball.
[ he says, with a hint of humor to his tone, a soft joke. he doesn't dislodge shenhe; in fact, after a moment, he shifts to tilt his head to rest on top of hers.
in the end, that's the kind of person he is. someone willing to give it all for the people who he cares about. someone willing to be the bad guy to make sure those who suffer stay safe. but, he can feel shenhe's suffering the same way he feels luo wenzhou's, the kind of thing that shakes him up and reminds him of the guilt of a life it feels like he long since threw away. ]
...I'll try my best. [ an honest answer. fei du isn't one for honesty - he's full of platitudes, especially for pretty girls, sympathy and sweetness, but with shenhe, it's different. he'll try his best, because he knows there's no preventing it. he knows if he's chosen as a target, there's hardly any chance he'll survive. he's not a fighter. he's weak at the sight of blood. it'd be a done deal.
... but he has things to live for, and fei du chooses freedom over wanting to die. ] I will.
[she gives him a little spark of fire, at that. just a burst that runs over her fingers. a warning. but she doesn't move, when he rests his head against her own.
try is all she can ask for. she can't teach him how to fight, how to not recoil at the sight of blood. so she just has to take what she can.]
I will try my best as well. [she murmurs.] Thank you.
[not just for that, but for letting her try and find her way back to being human for a while, safely.]
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I know. [ he'd be surprised if anyone did, really. ] I don't think anyone expects you to.
[ he knows, too, it could get worse. he knows there's a giant target painted on the back of sweet theory, now, but he doesn't say it. he doesn't say what feels like it could be inevitable - there's a not small chance i'll be the next one dead.
instead, he just focuses on the folding, very carefully pressing down to make a squash fold. focuses on keeping his emotions taut and giving shenhe somewhere to pour hers. ]
no subject
she knows the rules. she knows the game. and she thinks that if she were to kill someone, her team wouldn't throw her under the bus, either, if they knew. she understands the way this is played.
she wonders if anybody else thinks like her. or if she's just too pragmatic in that sense. if she's different with this, like she's different with everything else. if she's setting up to lose another person she cares about.
shenhe is silent, for a bit. that sensation of wanting to cry is still there, but it's fading, slowly. there's just exhaustion left over by the time she finishes folding.
she rests her head back on fei du's shoulder.]
I'm not angry with you. [she says, staring down at her work.] Stay. Please.
no subject
[ he says, with a hint of humor to his tone, a soft joke. he doesn't dislodge shenhe; in fact, after a moment, he shifts to tilt his head to rest on top of hers.
in the end, that's the kind of person he is. someone willing to give it all for the people who he cares about. someone willing to be the bad guy to make sure those who suffer stay safe. but, he can feel shenhe's suffering the same way he feels luo wenzhou's, the kind of thing that shakes him up and reminds him of the guilt of a life it feels like he long since threw away. ]
...I'll try my best. [ an honest answer. fei du isn't one for honesty - he's full of platitudes, especially for pretty girls, sympathy and sweetness, but with shenhe, it's different. he'll try his best, because he knows there's no preventing it. he knows if he's chosen as a target, there's hardly any chance he'll survive. he's not a fighter. he's weak at the sight of blood. it'd be a done deal.
... but he has things to live for, and fei du chooses freedom over wanting to die. ] I will.
no subject
try is all she can ask for. she can't teach him how to fight, how to not recoil at the sight of blood. so she just has to take what she can.]
I will try my best as well. [she murmurs.] Thank you.
[not just for that, but for letting her try and find her way back to being human for a while, safely.]