[she slowly pulls herself up to sit - her eyes are a little unfocused but it's fine.]
I know. [it'll get easier over time, but right now, every time she closes her eyes she sees wolfwood looking up at her with that betrayed, angry expression, nahri screaming, and it's a whole lot. it's a lot of weight.
she takes his hand, and unsteadily stands up. holds his hand kind of tightly.
anyway yeah lmao wait until she sees herself in a mirror. :tails:]
[It's a lot of weight. Matsui knows. The amount of weight he carries is the reason why he wants to die so badly most of the time, only tethered by Buzen - and now, perhaps a little more by the other bonds he's forged, here. But it's still hard, moving forward with those albatrosses tied round one's neck. It's still a heavy thing.
He lets her hold his hand however tightly she wants, and shifts so that she can lean against him if she wants the extra support. AWAY THEY GOOO... He'll probably take her to the swoom, setting out towels and such in the bathroom before moving to go to the closet.]
[she will lean on him - one of the only things that is keeping her tethered is other people. before this, she wasn't a very touchy person at all, so it's almost funny that she's gotten so accustomed to immediately seeking physical touch. that's what touch week does to you, i guess.
off they go back to the swoom... she'll be in the bathroom for like. a while. like maybe a concerning amount of time where someone might think she drowned, if she hadn't just respawned. when she comes out, finally, she looks a little like a wet cat that's had enough of the world forever.
she just. looks at matsui, completely clean, no blood anywhere, and says:]
Matsui's got some nice tea and a warm blanket ready out here for her for when she'd finished, and he probably considered knocking on the door to check on her at least once or twice and replaced the tea at least once when it grew cold. When she finally comes out, looking like that, he stands automatically.
there's a pause as she kind of just. looks at him. and then:]
But... [she looks over her shoulder, and takes a few steps towards the mirror, staring at herself. and then, finally:]
Alright. [and she tears her eyes away from her reflection, running her fingers through her hair and looking at her hand, like she expects to find blood there. when she doesn't, she wanders back into the room, and over to matsui, expression unsure.]
[NOT HER BLOOD HALLUCINATIONSSS. Matsui will move to grab the blanket so he can drape it around her shoulders and gently guide her to have a seat on the bed.]
...If... you are seeing the blood, still, then-- [Hm that's bad.] --Do you see it on your hands, now?
[While talking, he also goes to bring the cup of tea over to the side of the table by the bed he's led her to.]
[He tucks them around her a little more, like he is swaddling a tiny duck.]
...Mm. Alright. But please let me know if you can think of anything at all that I may do for you. I... understand that it's-- a difficult thing.
[Because "I um I'm alright" is not the strongest argument and he knows no one ever is after Shimabara, anyway. Whew! He glances in the direction of the bathroom, where the mirror is, feeling a tumult of guilt and anger toward this place.
At the question, he looks back, lips pressing into a thin line.]
It happens, yes. I often look bloodied. Other things or people as well, at times.
[The fact that this just never once came up because he's so used to it.]
it is not a very good argument no but she's wildly going back and forth between Feeling Everything At Once and then just disassociating about it, and right now is the latter. if she thinks more about the beach she will explode, so she can change gears for her poor brain's sake.]
... I'm sorry. [she hates that for him! she really, really does.]
He reaches out to gently rest a hand atop her head.]
It doesn't bother me most times, really. [HELP. This is fine probably. It doesn't seem like he's lying about it.] But thank you. ...I would not wish the same on others. I hope... that for you, it will not last overly-long.
[He doesn't even know it's an effect he's just assuming it's the trauma.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I know. [it'll get easier over time, but right now, every time she closes her eyes she sees wolfwood looking up at her with that betrayed, angry expression, nahri screaming, and it's a whole lot. it's a lot of weight.
she takes his hand, and unsteadily stands up. holds his hand kind of tightly.
anyway yeah lmao wait until she sees herself in a mirror. :tails:]
no subject
He lets her hold his hand however tightly she wants, and shifts so that she can lean against him if she wants the extra support. AWAY THEY GOOO... He'll probably take her to the swoom, setting out towels and such in the bathroom before moving to go to the closet.]
Take all the time you need.
no subject
off they go back to the swoom... she'll be in the bathroom for like. a while. like maybe a concerning amount of time where someone might think she drowned, if she hadn't just respawned. when she comes out, finally, she looks a little like a wet cat that's had enough of the world forever.
she just. looks at matsui, completely clean, no blood anywhere, and says:]
... It won't come off.
no subject
Matsui's got some nice tea and a warm blanket ready out here for her for when she'd finished, and he probably considered knocking on the door to check on her at least once or twice and replaced the tea at least once when it grew cold. When she finally comes out, looking like that, he stands automatically.
And then hesitates, looking her over.]
...The blood? You-- [Man. MAN. SHIMABARA REBELLION.] ...You are clean, Shenhe.
no subject
there's a pause as she kind of just. looks at him. and then:]
But... [she looks over her shoulder, and takes a few steps towards the mirror, staring at herself. and then, finally:]
Alright. [and she tears her eyes away from her reflection, running her fingers through her hair and looking at her hand, like she expects to find blood there. when she doesn't, she wanders back into the room, and over to matsui, expression unsure.]
no subject
...If... you are seeing the blood, still, then-- [Hm that's bad.] --Do you see it on your hands, now?
[While talking, he also goes to bring the cup of tea over to the side of the table by the bed he's led her to.]
Is there anything else that I can get you...?
no subject
... No. I only see it in the mirror. [she says, quietly.] I... um. I'm alright.
[she curls up, and then:]
Is this what it's like for you?
no subject
...Mm. Alright. But please let me know if you can think of anything at all that I may do for you. I... understand that it's-- a difficult thing.
[Because "I um I'm alright" is not the strongest argument and he knows no one ever is after Shimabara, anyway. Whew! He glances in the direction of the bathroom, where the mirror is, feeling a tumult of guilt and anger toward this place.
At the question, he looks back, lips pressing into a thin line.]
It happens, yes. I often look bloodied. Other things or people as well, at times.
[The fact that this just never once came up because he's so used to it.]
no subject
it is not a very good argument no but she's wildly going back and forth between Feeling Everything At Once and then just disassociating about it, and right now is the latter. if she thinks more about the beach she will explode, so she can change gears for her poor brain's sake.]
... I'm sorry. [she hates that for him! she really, really does.]
no subject
He reaches out to gently rest a hand atop her head.]
It doesn't bother me most times, really. [HELP. This is fine probably. It doesn't seem like he's lying about it.] But thank you. ...I would not wish the same on others. I hope... that for you, it will not last overly-long.
[He doesn't even know it's an effect he's just assuming it's the trauma.]