He will wake up here and be fine, but the idea of him suffering bothers me.
[the idea of all of them suffering bothers her. she caught a glimpse of shen qingqiu, and it made her feel a little sick, even if she is used to violence. she's glad he understands at least a little.]
... At the same time, I feel... [a pause.] Is it unacceptable to be... disappointed, I suppose, that my team is all still together and alive?
[she desperately wants them to live, but also. she misses them a lot.]
[VIOLENCE OUT THERE IN THE CHILIS, TRULY. ALL THIS DEATH. A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TRULY SAID 4 MEANS DEATH IN CHINESE AND JAPANESE AND KNEECAPPED A MATCHING 4 TARGETS.
Matsui listens quietly and carefully, though. He can understand these complex feelings, in a certain way. He knows how it feels to have two diametrically opposed wants and wishes.]
It makes sense. No one wishes for those they care for to suffer. [...] It feels like a terrible thing to say "I would like to see this person again" when you know the path to seeing them would be a painful one. But the heart is impossible to command. You can feel sorrow at remaining parted at the same time that you feel gratitude for their safety.
Alright. [that feels a little better, to know that it's okay to feel two things like this at once. like she isn't broken for feeling sad and relieved at the same time.]
... Thank you. You and Buzen both have been helpful, when it comes to feelings. [hearing from someone who also has trouble with it, but maybe a little more experience, is nice. affirming.]
Matsui gives her hands a gentle little squeeze at that, though, and his expression conveys a faint sense of relief. Being unable to help in so many ways so often is a trying thing for a sword. At least, if nothing else, they have this.]
Mm. ...It is very much like handling some of the newly manifested swords in our Citadel, really. We've all had similar struggles and questions, concerns and fears... It's difficult to proceed without someone to help guide the way.
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The further explanation does solidify things, as well. His head bows a little, expression somber.]
...It is one of the most difficult things, to know that those you have sworn to protect have suffered without you being able to lift a finger.
[He'd been consumed by a different emotion than fury when Buzen had turned up dead, but it was ugly and bright-burning all the same.]
no subject
[the idea of all of them suffering bothers her. she caught a glimpse of shen qingqiu, and it made her feel a little sick, even if she is used to violence. she's glad he understands at least a little.]
... At the same time, I feel... [a pause.] Is it unacceptable to be... disappointed, I suppose, that my team is all still together and alive?
[she desperately wants them to live, but also. she misses them a lot.]
no subject
Matsui listens quietly and carefully, though. He can understand these complex feelings, in a certain way. He knows how it feels to have two diametrically opposed wants and wishes.]
It makes sense. No one wishes for those they care for to suffer. [...] It feels like a terrible thing to say "I would like to see this person again" when you know the path to seeing them would be a painful one. But the heart is impossible to command. You can feel sorrow at remaining parted at the same time that you feel gratitude for their safety.
no subject
she nods a little, thinking that over.]
Alright. [that feels a little better, to know that it's okay to feel two things like this at once. like she isn't broken for feeling sad and relieved at the same time.]
... Thank you. You and Buzen both have been helpful, when it comes to feelings. [hearing from someone who also has trouble with it, but maybe a little more experience, is nice. affirming.]
no subject
Matsui gives her hands a gentle little squeeze at that, though, and his expression conveys a faint sense of relief. Being unable to help in so many ways so often is a trying thing for a sword. At least, if nothing else, they have this.]
Mm. ...It is very much like handling some of the newly manifested swords in our Citadel, really. We've all had similar struggles and questions, concerns and fears... It's difficult to proceed without someone to help guide the way.