[yeah sometimes you protect someone and then they make it seem like you were stupid for doing that and you have a crisis RANG]
It is. I don't blame them for the rules of the game. I just realized what the rules of the game are. [a pause.] ... I'm fond of all four of them. But I can't be if I want to survive.
[it hurts too much, and she doesn't know if she really has the constitution for it. she's never had friends like this before.]
[ rang is just a little omega it's okay shenhe shhhhh
Vash wants to tell her that it doesn't have to be that way, that loving others and connecting with them is worth more than the pain of betrayal and loss, but... He knows that may not be true for everyone. It's a reminder that he especially is different. He's lived long enough, would have lived longer, and all of the pain he accrued would be in the past. It may haunt him, but kindness somehow always found him and it would heal him all over again.
But Shenhe is young, having barely interacted with other people and human-adjacents, and all of it could be devastating. Life... Is and was short. ]
... It's hard. This is a game where we will learn and see the worst of each other.
[ Looking at the cross, he wonders when will God finally answer his prayers? ]
You should do what you think is best to protect yourself, but I don't want you to think that it's a mistake to love. It's not foolish of you.
[life is too short, and love is too long, she'd said to someone the other day. just repeating what she's heard, but sometimes, the little catchphrases are what stick.
she's quiet, for a moment, looking up at the cathedral, at the stained glass, at all the mix of things from stupid to serious, and there's something in her that aches. she wants so badly, sometimes, to connect. to have it make sense, to reach out and find stable footing.
[ Vash doesn't know what's going on in her head... But he has a good feeling about he response, at least. Honestly, whatever she decided to do is not something he has control over. Life is a series of complicated problems. Her choice. Her lifestyle. He can only live life how he knows and hope that she sees some good in it. ]
I think you helped a lot today.
[ Genuinely, he thinks she has. Everyone worked hard during trial, even though they ended up fussing over details and the lack of it for a long time where it was stressful. ]
Even if we don't like the outcome... People deserve the truth.
[ looks at wolfwood and livio and looks into camera i am sorry baby girl sometimes boys are useless including vash, especially vash
Hm... That's a good question, but maybe his answer is predictable. ]
I believe that stories have multiple sides to them... And listening to them will help us better understand why things happen. [ It's still the same, but. ] We never asked to be part of this game.
[ Part of the story is twisted to begin with. SO... NO... IT DID NOT HELP HIM. HE'S SMAD THAT THEY HAVE TO PLAY. ]
[maybe it's predictable, but. she likes to hear it anyway. shenhe has her own opinions and thoughts on things but - other people have experienced so much more than her. so... it's better that she hears everything. ]
No... we didn't. But we are. [part of the game. and they do have to play it, and pretending like they don't or that somehow it'll change or that something will happen to make things better doesn't make sense to her. she frowns.]
Does it matter why it happened? It will happen again.
[ It doesn't make sense to her, but Vash really is constantly thinking of possible ways out of this... Nothing has come up, which is frustrating. It doesn't mean the possibility won't plague him until he dies (again). ]
It does to me.
[ Sometimes compassion is nonsensical, obstinate, childish, and selfish. ]
... I think there's some comfort in knowing the truth, even if it's hard to feel that right now.
[ Vash knows he would be pained all the same, but he can think of it as justice for those who deserved it, even if their situation is more to blame. Maybe it does help. He just doesn't know right now. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
... Someone healed me. [she doesn't know who, but at least she's not nauseated anymore.]
no subject
[ Hypocritical. ]
Wandering around?
no subject
[she sighs a little.] To try and find some answers.
[a pause.] Are you alright?
no subject
[ But... ]
Did you find the answers you were looking for?
no subject
[she says this in the sort of :upsidedownsmile: way.]
no subject
Would you have preferred not knowing at all?
no subject
[it's better than being in the dark, but.]
I've learned a lesson today, I think.
no subject
Wanna share with the class?
no subject
[it's mild, the way she says it, but. she's a little frostier than she was yesterday.]
no subject
You received bad answers?!
no subject
a long pause, and then:]
I can't tell who is lying to me and who isn't. Mortals are so fond of dodging direct questions.
no subject
The rulebook doesn't allow for us to confess early, too. It's a rough place to be in.
[ It may be too obvious he's trying to defend them, just a little. Sometimes you're a mortal sympathizer, even if team BDSM is mostly not human. ]
no subject
It is. I don't blame them for the rules of the game. I just realized what the rules of the game are. [a pause.] ... I'm fond of all four of them. But I can't be if I want to survive.
[it hurts too much, and she doesn't know if she really has the constitution for it. she's never had friends like this before.]
no subject
Vash wants to tell her that it doesn't have to be that way, that loving others and connecting with them is worth more than the pain of betrayal and loss, but... He knows that may not be true for everyone. It's a reminder that he especially is different. He's lived long enough, would have lived longer, and all of the pain he accrued would be in the past. It may haunt him, but kindness somehow always found him and it would heal him all over again.
But Shenhe is young, having barely interacted with other people and human-adjacents, and all of it could be devastating. Life... Is and was short. ]
... It's hard. This is a game where we will learn and see the worst of each other.
[ Looking at the cross, he wonders when will God finally answer his prayers? ]
You should do what you think is best to protect yourself, but I don't want you to think that it's a mistake to love. It's not foolish of you.
no subject
she's quiet, for a moment, looking up at the cathedral, at the stained glass, at all the mix of things from stupid to serious, and there's something in her that aches. she wants so badly, sometimes, to connect. to have it make sense, to reach out and find stable footing.
it's not a mistake to love, he says.]
I want to be a person who helps.
[she says, finally.
maybe she just wants to be a person at all.]
no subject
I think you helped a lot today.
[ Genuinely, he thinks she has. Everyone worked hard during trial, even though they ended up fussing over details and the lack of it for a long time where it was stressful. ]
Even if we don't like the outcome... People deserve the truth.
[ Those who loved Rin deserve to know. ]
no subject
no - no, she exhales slow, adjusting the ropes around her arms.]
They do. [she says, staring out towards the cathedral.] I don't know if it helped me.
[genuinely. she can't decide.]
I'd like to hear your thoughts on the outcome.
no subject
Hm... That's a good question, but maybe his answer is predictable. ]
I believe that stories have multiple sides to them... And listening to them will help us better understand why things happen. [ It's still the same, but. ] We never asked to be part of this game.
[ Part of the story is twisted to begin with. SO... NO... IT DID NOT HELP HIM. HE'S SMAD THAT THEY HAVE TO PLAY. ]
no subject
No... we didn't. But we are. [part of the game. and they do have to play it, and pretending like they don't or that somehow it'll change or that something will happen to make things better doesn't make sense to her. she frowns.]
Does it matter why it happened? It will happen again.
no subject
It does to me.
[ Sometimes compassion is nonsensical, obstinate, childish, and selfish. ]
... I think there's some comfort in knowing the truth, even if it's hard to feel that right now.
[ Vash knows he would be pained all the same, but he can think of it as justice for those who deserved it, even if their situation is more to blame. Maybe it does help. He just doesn't know right now. ]
no subject
[she can agree with that much, she guesses.]
But the truth, I think, will just often be because they thought they had to.
no subject
no subject
she very quietly will just pat him.]