...half the time, those are equally terrifying. [ lightly. but honest. being a teenager is already hard, but having to deal with his own emotions after everything that's happened is...overwhelming, really. it's little cracks of insecurity, blips of anxiety, shreds of anger and all combined with a waging war between the heaviness of grief and the desire to be calm, reliable and better.
which, he thinks, is why it's easier to focus on staying calm and levelheaded and dealing with his shit privately because blowing up would be disastrous. explaining that to shenhe, who has to quite literally keep her emotions bound, feels stupid though when it pales in comparison. ]
But I do see your point. I think being able to express yourself, if you can, isn't a bad thing. It's just that there are plenty of emotions that are worse than others. Those are the ones I don't want people to see if I can help it.
[ which is understandable. there's a beat of gratitude. a flicker of wishful thinking. ]
...how do you learn something like that when there are so many things that can still make a person upset about things? [ which is really saying "you aren't really doing too bad" and "i can at least agree to hear you out." ]
Meditation helps far more than you'd think. [she says, tilting her head.] I thought it was stupid, when I was a child. I learned better.
I can teach it to you, sometime. [...] Or I can teach you how to fight properly, channeling those upsetting things. Whichever you think you'd like more.
[ he frowns in thought at the suggestion, but it's not necessarily out of disagreement. ]
I...don't know how good I'd be at it. It's like emptying your mind and stuff, right? I mean I can see the benefits of it but.
[ these are excuses. he seems to realize that, too, and he takes a breath to calm down again. ]
...I'll try anything at this rate. Wolfwood suggested asking for a training dummy to fight with, too. I haven't asked the reapers yet because I thought I could delay that. [ so the answer is he's willing to try both, but he's not sure which to start with. ]
There's nothing wrong with trying both. I use a combination.
[she gently puts her hand on his shoulder.]
It might be a good idea to learn how to fight regardless. You'll surprise your enemies that way.
[and it'd make her feel a little better knowing that he's not just out there at risk of just street brawl fistfighting anybody who might come after him.]
... Whenever you'd like, Jonas. But for now, I think we should do something fun.
...yeah. I know you're right. [ it seems to work for her, is the thing, so...he thinks that maybe there is something there. maybe figuring out how to shut his head up for a while isn't the worst thing he could do with his time.
learning a more specialized type of fighting might not be bad either. he's scrappy, and he can hold his own just fine, but will that be enough to go against someone who really knows what they're doing? he'd already offered to help someone else, but jonas himself just didn't think about it.
but for now, he can shelve the topic and he blinks at her, curious and alert suddenly. ]
I'm always down for something better than this. [ hah. ] If you have ideas, I'm all for it. Otherwise...I can think of something.
[ he will straight up put shenhe on a skateboard, so help him. ]
I'm curious to know what your ideas are. [she seems faintly amused by the way he's alert. he and alex both do the little ferret yes hello i'm ready to play wiggle thing emotionally, which she likes.]
[ this is the funniest description ever actually because yeah, those are the vibes. they're both stupid teenagers out of their depth, and jonas in particular would love to do anything else to backflip out of his own depression.
so. he grins. ]
I want to take you somewhere. How much do you trust me?
[ the vibes are a little more at ease and excited, turning to leave sears and gestures for shenhe to follow. it takes a little while if walking, but eventually they come to the skate park and he grins at her a little more eagerly as usual. ]
It's not that kind of park. [ amused. ] It's a place for people to skate and skateboard or bike...it's for fun.
[ there's a pause. a soft flicker of melancholy before slipping to calm again. ] ...I used to spend a lot of time at one of these when my mom was sick. It was easier than being at home knowing there wasn't anything I could do, and that helped for a while. So... I thought if you wanted, I could teach you.
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...half the time, those are equally terrifying. [ lightly. but honest. being a teenager is already hard, but having to deal with his own emotions after everything that's happened is...overwhelming, really. it's little cracks of insecurity, blips of anxiety, shreds of anger and all combined with a waging war between the heaviness of grief and the desire to be calm, reliable and better.
which, he thinks, is why it's easier to focus on staying calm and levelheaded and dealing with his shit privately because blowing up would be disastrous. explaining that to shenhe, who has to quite literally keep her emotions bound, feels stupid though when it pales in comparison. ]
But I do see your point. I think being able to express yourself, if you can, isn't a bad thing. It's just that there are plenty of emotions that are worse than others. Those are the ones I don't want people to see if I can help it.
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[she really does.]
Still. [...] I'd like to try to help you, if I can. I'm not so good with anger, but even that I've learned to let go of, with practice.
... I don't want you to be like me, Jonas. [is mostly what she's getting at.]
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...how do you learn something like that when there are so many things that can still make a person upset about things? [ which is really saying "you aren't really doing too bad" and "i can at least agree to hear you out." ]
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Meditation helps far more than you'd think. [she says, tilting her head.] I thought it was stupid, when I was a child. I learned better.
I can teach it to you, sometime. [...] Or I can teach you how to fight properly, channeling those upsetting things. Whichever you think you'd like more.
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I...don't know how good I'd be at it. It's like emptying your mind and stuff, right? I mean I can see the benefits of it but.
[ these are excuses. he seems to realize that, too, and he takes a breath to calm down again. ]
...I'll try anything at this rate. Wolfwood suggested asking for a training dummy to fight with, too. I haven't asked the reapers yet because I thought I could delay that. [ so the answer is he's willing to try both, but he's not sure which to start with. ]
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[she gently puts her hand on his shoulder.]
It might be a good idea to learn how to fight regardless. You'll surprise your enemies that way.
[and it'd make her feel a little better knowing that he's not just out there at risk of just street brawl fistfighting anybody who might come after him.]
... Whenever you'd like, Jonas. But for now, I think we should do something fun.
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learning a more specialized type of fighting might not be bad either. he's scrappy, and he can hold his own just fine, but will that be enough to go against someone who really knows what they're doing? he'd already offered to help someone else, but jonas himself just didn't think about it.
but for now, he can shelve the topic and he blinks at her, curious and alert suddenly. ]
I'm always down for something better than this. [ hah. ] If you have ideas, I'm all for it. Otherwise...I can think of something.
[ he will straight up put shenhe on a skateboard, so help him. ]
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I'm curious to know what your ideas are. [she seems faintly amused by the way he's alert. he and alex both do the little ferret yes hello i'm ready to play wiggle thing emotionally, which she likes.]
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so. he grins. ]
I want to take you somewhere. How much do you trust me?
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[this is teasing, a little. she obviously trusts him enough to take her wherever he wants.]
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[ the vibes are a little more at ease and excited, turning to leave sears and gestures for shenhe to follow. it takes a little while if walking, but eventually they come to the skate park and he grins at her a little more eagerly as usual. ]
This...is a skate park.
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There aren't very many trees for a park.
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[ there's a pause. a soft flicker of melancholy before slipping to calm again. ] ...I used to spend a lot of time at one of these when my mom was sick. It was easier than being at home knowing there wasn't anything I could do, and that helped for a while. So... I thought if you wanted, I could teach you.
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... I'd like that, yes. I'd be happy to learn. [she says decisively.] Where do we start?
[and then we fade off with jonas teaching the bird how to skateboard]