A friend to Buzen would not erase him. It was not a mercy to kill him when what he wanted was to be known. A friend to Buzen would have known that his death would end Matsui's world.
[she pulls her hand... away from the tree, and there's a little bit of smoke. she can't be setting the tree they're sitting in on fire, so she has to take a second to calm down.]
[ mmmm....not good. he doesn't speak again for a bit to give her time to stop being on fire and also calm herself. ]
...then I don't feel bad being upset with her choice. Or anyone who may have tried to help her. That gets a little harder since you obviously don't want to rat out your own team, but...if they supported her choice at all...doesn't that make them just as bad?
[ he doesn't really know if sweet theory knew much is the thing, so he's just kind of talking to sort out his thoughts on it. ]
No. They did not choose the target together. [...] If I were to kill someone, it would not be my team's fault. It would be mine.
[she's... thought a fair bit about this. just in case.]
I would not hold Buzen, Matsui or Rang accountable for Count D's murder any more than I would hold Kyoko, Luo Wenzhou, and Fei Du accountable for Libby's. The rules are the rules.
Then is her team just as upset with the reasoning for choosing him, you think? [ it doesn't necessarily matter, this is him now just wondering where the line is. ] I don't think we can hold whole teams accountable for things their teammates do, but...I don't know. I can't say I wouldn't feel a certain way if I heard people were fine with certain things. Does that make sense? I feel like maybe I'm just kind of talking without saying anything new.
[but - her reasoning is never going to be 100% morally correct. shenhe feels strongly about this because she is biased, because she doesn't see any reason to not be biased. this is not a fair fight - it is survival, and it's... well. for her, it's the last chance she thinks she'll ever have to live a little.
there are people she cares about here. people that she'd look the other way for. so it's a struggle to come up with a consistent morality, for her, because it changes with the wind. she never cared about libby, so libby is dead to her. she cared about D, and so she was less angry. funny, how those things go.
[ okay but like...fair. jonas is at least a little self-aware he's hypocritical, because he'll always support his team by nature of being closer to those people. he's aware it's a stupid thing to ask and suss out, but to him, he thinks his team would know better than to hurt someone without understanding who they are.
and maybe that's why he's so stuck on this. for someone who still regularly struggles with trying to fit in to a new life and get people to like him enough and worries about how he's perceived, the idea that someone could just decide he's not worth as much as someone else (or misinterpret his own will to live) is outright terrifying. it's terrifying because it means if someone were that cruel, he would leave behind people he can't bear to leave in the first place.
but this isn't about future ifs ands or buts. this is about now. and so he bows his head and looks at his legs dangling over the branches of this tree. ]
...just another thing for us to grapple with, you know? No answers to the hardest questions we can find. [ ... ] Maybe...it's something to focus on another day. I don't think anyone expects much of anybody else after what just happened. Not right away.
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[there's that ice again.]
A friend to Buzen would not erase him. It was not a mercy to kill him when what he wanted was to be known. A friend to Buzen would have known that his death would end Matsui's world.
[she pulls her hand... away from the tree, and there's a little bit of smoke. she can't be setting the tree they're sitting in on fire, so she has to take a second to calm down.]
no subject
...then I don't feel bad being upset with her choice. Or anyone who may have tried to help her. That gets a little harder since you obviously don't want to rat out your own team, but...if they supported her choice at all...doesn't that make them just as bad?
[ he doesn't really know if sweet theory knew much is the thing, so he's just kind of talking to sort out his thoughts on it. ]
no subject
No. They did not choose the target together. [...] If I were to kill someone, it would not be my team's fault. It would be mine.
[she's... thought a fair bit about this. just in case.]
I would not hold Buzen, Matsui or Rang accountable for Count D's murder any more than I would hold Kyoko, Luo Wenzhou, and Fei Du accountable for Libby's. The rules are the rules.
no subject
no subject
[but - her reasoning is never going to be 100% morally correct. shenhe feels strongly about this because she is biased, because she doesn't see any reason to not be biased. this is not a fair fight - it is survival, and it's... well. for her, it's the last chance she thinks she'll ever have to live a little.
there are people she cares about here. people that she'd look the other way for. so it's a struggle to come up with a consistent morality, for her, because it changes with the wind. she never cared about libby, so libby is dead to her. she cared about D, and so she was less angry. funny, how those things go.
she tilts her head back, after a moment.]
... I don't know that I'll ever have an answer.
no subject
and maybe that's why he's so stuck on this. for someone who still regularly struggles with trying to fit in to a new life and get people to like him enough and worries about how he's perceived, the idea that someone could just decide he's not worth as much as someone else (or misinterpret his own will to live) is outright terrifying. it's terrifying because it means if someone were that cruel, he would leave behind people he can't bear to leave in the first place.
but this isn't about future ifs ands or buts. this is about now. and so he bows his head and looks at his legs dangling over the branches of this tree. ]
...just another thing for us to grapple with, you know? No answers to the hardest questions we can find. [ ... ] Maybe...it's something to focus on another day. I don't think anyone expects much of anybody else after what just happened. Not right away.