I couldn't answer that. I could only tell you why I have, in the past. It's different for each person, I've found. [a beat.] If you aren't, then I don't understand.
[ he is like - weirdly composed. like. too composed, if she's watching that carefully. like every piece is being carefully slotted into the correct place, to ensure only what he wants is shown. ]
[she's not incredibly good at body language - birds don't really have it - but she knows when she's being presented a façade. she still isn't moving, a little like a predator animal waiting to strike.]
Yes. To myself, and to others. [...] I see no reason to hide it.
... Is that what was happening on Thursday? When the door locked.
[ this isn't much about fei du but that's okay. he leans forward a little, still guarded, still careful, still - hiding, really, that facade always flawless. ]
[ huh. magic is beyond him - he mostly just thinks thought those were decorative? but he leans in a little to examine them, and then looks back up at shenhe. ]
...I see. So, a physical limitation that helps limit [ ... ] Urges? Intention?
[ aha. he makes a soft noise, letting that settle.
and… he’s quiet. maybe for too long. maybe like he won’t even say anything, at all, beyond that. like he might just let the conversation drop.
and then, almost abruptly: ] Suppressing those sort of things with adaptation and training is possible, even if it’s never completely forward progress.
Edited (Mobile tags are hell ) 2023-06-18 16:40 (UTC)
[ he nods, and - for the first time, seems almost a little awkward. or, at least like he's composing himself, putting all those pieces back into place lest a little light shine through. ]
That must take an incredible amount of strength, Shenhe.
though shenhe won't get to see it, fei du is almost definitely relieved when she leaves. he doesn't visually react. he doesn't move. doesn't do anything, except take a breath and close his eyes.
when she returns, he's pulled himself fully together - his expression morphs easily into a grateful smile when she hands him back the water. ]
It's not all that abnormal for people to feel queasy at the sight, you know. [ okay mr "i clearly disassociated out of my goddamn mind to anyone who was paying attention for more than three seconds" ] Thank you.
You know, this is really above and beyond work for a bodyguard. [ teasing ]
[yeah, she doesn't believe that for a second. you can get grossed out by blood but disassociating like that is another story entirely, and it's clear she thinks he's full of it, judging by her expression.
she sits next to him.]
Calming me down after the doors locked was above and beyond for an employer. [she says, taking a sip from her own water and looking out over the IKEA.]
[ what a strange question? he looks a little surprised. ]
Despite the fact that my dignity took a hit earlier... [ he trails off here, playfully, but then shakes his head. ] Of course I would. No contracts required.
Well. If it is for you, then I'm honored that you'd consider it. I'm awfully lucky.
[ sometimes, fei du can't help turning on the flirt just a little - the charm comes very naturally. it's the habit of being a playboy. even still, he's being genuine. ]
[the flirting goes over her head so far she doesn't even see it]
You wouldn't be saying that if you knew me better. [she says, without a trace of self-deprecation whatsoever. it's like saying the sky is blue or the grass is green.]
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I couldn't answer that. I could only tell you why I have, in the past. It's different for each person, I've found. [a beat.] If you aren't, then I don't understand.
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You've done something like that...?
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Yes. To myself, and to others. [...] I see no reason to hide it.
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Oh? Why not?
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[a short sigh.]
I see no point in pretending. The truth comes out, because while I am much better at controlling myself now, I'm not always.
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[ this isn't much about fei du but that's okay. he leans forward a little, still guarded, still careful, still - hiding, really, that facade always flawless. ]
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[she doesn't seem to mind - what she saw, with the way he startled? that was enough of an answer for her.]
These are what keep me under control. [she taps the red ropes that are all over her outfit.] Sometimes, I'm stronger than they are.
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...I see. So, a physical limitation that helps limit [ ... ] Urges? Intention?
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[and. well.] As well as everything else, I suppose.
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and… he’s quiet. maybe for too long. maybe like he won’t even say anything, at all, beyond that. like he might just let the conversation drop.
and then, almost abruptly: ] Suppressing those sort of things with adaptation and training is possible, even if it’s never completely forward progress.
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Yes. Part of it is training, and part of it is the ropes themselves. It's possible. I have learned.
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That must take an incredible amount of strength, Shenhe.
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It is easier when I have other people to rely on. [...] Someday, I'd like to hear about why blood makes you react the way you do.
[but it doesn't have to be today, and she won't force it - she just gets up, and goes to refill his water.]
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though shenhe won't get to see it, fei du is almost definitely relieved when she leaves. he doesn't visually react. he doesn't move. doesn't do anything, except take a breath and close his eyes.
when she returns, he's pulled himself fully together - his expression morphs easily into a grateful smile when she hands him back the water. ]
It's not all that abnormal for people to feel queasy at the sight, you know. [ okay mr "i clearly disassociated out of my goddamn mind to anyone who was paying attention for more than three seconds" ] Thank you.
You know, this is really above and beyond work for a bodyguard. [ teasing ]
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she sits next to him.]
Calming me down after the doors locked was above and beyond for an employer. [she says, taking a sip from her own water and looking out over the IKEA.]
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anyway. he lets this happen, scooching to make sure there's enough room but it's touch week so he doesn't go too far. ]
Mm. [ amusement crinkles up fei du's eyes, and he tilts his head. ] A favor for a favor? Or maybe I can call you my friend.
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Is that something you'd want? [to be friends with her, she means. people say it so easy - she's not against it, she's just always surprised.]
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Despite the fact that my dignity took a hit earlier... [ he trails off here, playfully, but then shakes his head. ] Of course I would. No contracts required.
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Alright. [no contracts required. hah. so unlike liyue.] Then... we can be friends.
[she hasn't ever had more than one.]
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anyway. he hums, pleased, and reaches out to pat her gently on the shoulder because it's there. ] Excellent. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?
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I don't think it is for you.
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[ sometimes, fei du can't help turning on the flirt just a little - the charm comes very naturally. it's the habit of being a playboy. even still, he's being genuine. ]
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You wouldn't be saying that if you knew me better. [she says, without a trace of self-deprecation whatsoever. it's like saying the sky is blue or the grass is green.]
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he thinks, for a moment, about their conversation earlier. turns it over, a couple of times. and then: ]
No, I think I would.
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You seem sure.
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