[that's what it is - it's home. it's home that she misses. she misses the human connection, the sense of walking into a place and knowing it's yours, knowing that you share it with other people. she's never had that, before here.
and she still has it - she hasn't lost it entirely. it's why she's here, because fei du makes her feel that way, like she has a place to go to. it's just hard to be ripped out by the roots. it's hard to have a little family that you've pulled together and then just mostly lose it in one go.
she has to hold her breath, for a second, because the emotion is threatening to make the blood tears happen again and she's so sick of them.
a little nod. she knows they miss her. she knows. a pause, and then she takes a drink, and leans closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder.]
For a moment, earlier, I thought... voting for them would bring them to me. [she mumbles. her frustration comes out in her tone.] I can't sleep without seeing them dead.
[ almost automatically, now, he lowers his shoulder so that shenhe has somewhere to rest. it's been such a long day. such a long weekend. such a long week. every day since waking up from his own death has been another long one, a trudge towards an ending that still feels far away. he never thought he'd get home or have it, and losing it hurts, but... it has to be even harder, for shenhe, who might not have considered the concept in the first place.
fei du shifts a little, lets that quiet frustrated mumble reverberate like a plucked string, and tilts his head to rest on top of hers, then offers his hand, open palmed, fingers spread, in his lap. for once, he doesn't want to say the words it'll pass, because it might not. even when he blacked out his own memory for trauma, dreams were the places he always remembered.
he closes his eyes. ]
It all feels very helpless sometimes, doesn't it? Being here.
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and she still has it - she hasn't lost it entirely. it's why she's here, because fei du makes her feel that way, like she has a place to go to. it's just hard to be ripped out by the roots. it's hard to have a little family that you've pulled together and then just mostly lose it in one go.
she has to hold her breath, for a second, because the emotion is threatening to make the blood tears happen again and she's so sick of them.
a little nod. she knows they miss her. she knows. a pause, and then she takes a drink, and leans closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder.]
For a moment, earlier, I thought... voting for them would bring them to me. [she mumbles. her frustration comes out in her tone.] I can't sleep without seeing them dead.
no subject
fei du shifts a little, lets that quiet frustrated mumble reverberate like a plucked string, and tilts his head to rest on top of hers, then offers his hand, open palmed, fingers spread, in his lap. for once, he doesn't want to say the words it'll pass, because it might not. even when he blacked out his own memory for trauma, dreams were the places he always remembered.
he closes his eyes. ]
It all feels very helpless sometimes, doesn't it? Being here.