[thankfully shenhe didn't go far - she's just sitting in the lobby, when he comes back. she's clean, sitting on a chair, hunched over, with towel pressed to her face. he might be able to see the spots of red on it, but that's the only blood that she's got on her now, at least.
she doesn't like this - it hurts, it feels like tiny daggers in her skull, but she can't stop doing it. crying is stupid, she can't even - get any catharsis out of it because it feels so bad to do.
but at least this time she is cognizant that someone is approaching, and she hurriedly tries to wipe her face before looking up at him, hesitant.
[ thankfully he's already emptied his stomach so many times that a small amount of blood isn't like, nightmarishly bad - just a little queasy. what is bad is that he can see that those are, in fact, tears made of blood streaming down her face, and not just extra blood from a random injury.
when he comes in the door, shenhe might notice a couple of things! first of all, he's changed into a different fancy boy outfit (did i really need to link this? no. did i want to? yes.) and second of all, he's got a big shopping bag over his arm. thirdly, his face shifts into surprise, and then realization, and then a brief flicker of shock, and then melts into something more familiar, a gentle smile. he looks like the tiniest bit green, but, it is a marked improvement from earlier. ]
... Your eyes are too pretty to have to cry like that. [ weh. it must be some kind of residual effect, or something - it sucks that she DIED and it didn't fix it, but he will keep that to himself. not for the first time wishing he had healing aura, he comes over, and offers her his free hand. ]
she pulls herself up to her feet when he comes over, and takes his hand without protest. her hand is shaking - from exhaustion, mostly, but also from the strain of keeping herself together long enough to be a human.]
I'm not... covered in blood. [she says, uncertainly. she knows she probably isn't because she feels clean and because he's not running for a trash can. but the mirror lied to her, so she's having problems with reality again.
[ he gives her a little smile, eyes crinkling up at the corners with it. reassuring and confident to her uncertainty. ] That's right. Baobei, if you were covered in blood, you would know, because I would be putting my head in the nearest trash can.
[ hemophobia is extremely inconvenient except for this one time where it is completely helpful? nothing says reality like fei du doesn't look like he's gonna yartz.
he squeezes her hand, gently, when he feels it trembling, and then adjusts, slowing his step so he can let her put her hand on his arm, instead. he'll escort her back to the hotel room area, letting her lean on him if she wants, too. a gentleman, kind and steady. up to the room they go! he'll produce a keycard and open up the door to a room that is not full of other people.
it's just quiet. fei du's psp is sitting on the nightstand, charging, and the beds are neatly made: shenhe the duck is snoozing on the second bed in the pillows. ]
[oh, thank god. or. not god, she doesn't want to think about god.
it's quiet, and it's empty, and the relief in her entire body is palpable. she slumps against him when he opens the door, still trembling, holding onto him a little tightly. she can't handle being around a lot of people right now - she can barely handle being alive, let alone crowded.
she wipes her face with the towel again. and then slowly wanders into the room and sits down on the second bed. the urge to pet shenhe the duck is strong, but she doesn't want to wake her up rudely, so she doesn't, for now. instead...]
... I want to cover the mirrors. [she says, distantly, getting stuck as she stares at herself in the mirror over the dresser.]
[ that's... considering everything shenhe has been through, that's not all that surprising. he sets the shopping bag down in her lap. ]
Alright. Go through that, and I'll take care of it in the meantime.
[ so he will do that! he just strips off the blankets from his bed and goes to start covering up the mirrors in the hotel room with those.
in the meantime, inside of the shopping bag are a few things: there's a set of extremely high quality, soft pajamas from the rich bitch store. there's a small bag from the drugstore that has painkillers and some bandages, some sore throat herbal cough drops. an extra blanket i feel like i read we had blankets. there's even a couple bottles of airplane sized alcohol in there. it's a little care package.
shenhe the duck rouses a little when someone sits down, lifting her head and then quacking softly and sleepily. hello. ]
she tears her eyes away from her blood-soaked reflection when he starts moving, and looks through the bag. the alcohol is tempting... she doesn't like drinking, doesn't like the taste, but god, she's thinking about it, if only so she can sleep. nightmares are inevitable.
if fei du has any sensibilities they are not considered because when she pulls out the pajamas, she just strips where she is to put them on. normally she'd be a little more private, but he's - safe? he's safe. she can be vulnerable for a second around him. it doesn't take long to put on, and once she's wearing the pajamas, she turns on the bed and scoops shenhe the duck up to hug her.
Of course. [ he fetches so good!! its his love language!!!
anyway im not gonna lie to you that's exactly why fei du drinks so he'd understand it. that's probably why he included it! he's supposed to help shenhe cope but he is not going to succeed in teaching her how to do that entirely healthily because he sure as shit doesn't know how to. or, well, he does, but he sure as shit doesn't do it.
anyway. it doesn't take him too long to cover the mirrors. he's surprisingly handy with weird, fiddly little tasks - all delicate touches and careful fingers, using the edges of the mirrors to tuck the sheets in. he pulls the window curtains shut, too, just for safe measure, nudges the bathroom door mostly shut, and lets just the artificial lamplight light the quiet hotel room, instead.
if he has sensibilities, they aren't bothered. really, he doesn't. he has seen an unholy amount of women naked in his life and he's a gentleman and not tempted to look - when he glances back briefly to check on her he just turns his head back what he's doing and moves on. and by the time he's all finished, fei du comes over and sits down on the bed next to her. it's hard not take stock of the bloody tears, immediately - his stomach flips, but he ignores it - and he reaches for a box of tissues on the night stand, carefully balls one up, and goes to try and dab some of it away.
shenhe the duck is perfectly okay with this. it's safe and warm and snuggly so she just wiggles her little feet and tries to get comfortable again. ]
[she will sit here and pet shenhe the duck for a bit, because it makes her feel less like she's going to die again. maybe she should get a cat from the pet store or something.
the silence feels good. restorative. like being out in the city all day long, listening to people yelling and chattering, cars honking, city noise, overwhelming. like standing at a concert for hours and then finally going home and curling up on the couch, in the dark. her heartbeat thundering in her ears lets her know that she's alive, that she's here, that the beach is gone for now.
she jumps just a little when he wipes her tears, but. she lets him, with a little sniff.
it's relief, mostly. being here. it's relief, and exhaustion, and leftover horror. the way things settle when you're out of adrenaline. she just looks at him like she's - out of it, like she still can't focus.
it's a little demonic wet kitten, holding a duck, crying blood tears and looking like she's dissociating out of her mind.]
shenhe the duck is good at dealing with people crying. unlike fei du. and probably unlike shenhe the person. but this is because shenhe the duck was born and then like, immediately spent at least half of her time with nahri, so when she can tell that shenhe the person is sad, she fluffs up her little feathers and snuggles up closer to her and into the pets. :(
fei du turns the tissues and gently wipes away the last little bit of tears, nudging away at the tracks on her face for his sake and her own. he's leaning back a little bit for the sake of not making this gross for either of them, but it doens't change the care in the gesture, or the way his straight brows are pinched together, or the little frown on his face. he'll take care of shenhe the way he took care of mother he, the way he's looked after chenchen, and so many other people - as carefully, as kindly as he can.
soothing and quiet, he regards the look on her face as one that's probably been on his own a thousand times, and takes a slow, deep breath. demonstrating, maybe. ]
I want you to do me a favor. Can you tell me three things you can see? Just right here.
[the duck snuggles help a lot, and she exhales slowly when shenhe the duck fluffs up and cuddles close. it helps to have something that she can rhythmically pet at. it feels better to know that this duck was held by nahri, too, at some point.
maybe it's not entirely on purpose, but the deep breath is a good model. she breathes in after he does, and then breathes out. follows it. slow and steady.
she looks at fei du, as he wipes her tears. and then looks around the room. stares, for a long, long moment at the other bed, at. something, and then looks away from it, back to him.]
Um. [not that. not wolfwood. something else.] Bed. You.
[ fei du's observant enough to pick up on that, too - he keeps it going, breathing in, and then out. nice and steady. ]
Good. [ a little crinkle to his eyes when he smiles, affirming, as he takes the tissue and holds it as far away from himself as physically possible to drop it in the trash. he tries to do this smoothly with mixed results, but he figures his poor traumatized wet bird won't judge him too much. ]
How about three things you can feel? Something you're touching, or something that's touching you. I might say I can feel the ground under my feet.
she doesn't seem to mind him doing this - she knows he has trouble with blood and she feels bad for making him have to deal with it. at least the tears are starting to stop. she strokes a finger down shenya's back, and then:]
Her. [duck.] The floor. My clothes.
[she shivers a little. but she's a bit more present, thinking about what's touching her. she's here. she's not the axe, she's a person.
... still. she makes sure the axe is close to her.]
[ he makes a quiet affirmative noise. ] That's it.
[ it's working. he's a little hesitant to approach the other senses, but after a moment, reaches past her to pick his psp up off of the table. he flicks it on, letting the screen light up, the logos for the loading screens for patapon coming up as always, the music playing quietly in the room.
shenya makes a little noise and ruffles her feathers. content. ]
How about two things you can hear?
[ fei du glances past her, just briefly, to the axe. she'd called herself the divine axe of devastation - by now he's sort of figured out what might have happened, or at least, where she might have gone, but he makes no note of it for now. ]
[he should try to touch the axe i think that'd be funny
she watches him pick up the PSP. the tears have stopped by now, and she is so, so tired. so... she scoots a little closer, curling up at his side so she can see the screen. if he lets her, she will rest her head on his shoulder, duck in hand, watching him play.]
... Your game. [not the laughing from the bed next to her.] Your voice.
Good job. [ its bold of you to assume he'd ever touch any kind of weapon, plastic or otherwise
anyway he lets her! of course he does. though fei du can sometimes be a little touch averse like a cat, he doesn't mind shenhe in his space at all. instead, he just lets her settle, lowering his shoulder to make it a little easier. shenya is content and happy, and fei du fires up the screen. ]
You're right here, right? [ here, in this moment, the best that you can be.
the patapons chirp as he pulls up a level, and he turns the volume up some. this is one of the ways fei du empties out his own brain when he needs it - patapon is easily and mindless and requires exactly enough of his concentration that it helps. and he's content just to sit with shenhe in the quiet like this, curled up and letting her come down and watch. ]
... Yes. [she says finally, slowly easing against him entirely.] Thank you. Fei Du.
[she doesn't know if she can express in words what he's doing for her.
he's warm, and shenya is settled, and the mirrors are covered. the game isn't too intense and the visuals are almost hypnotic. rhythmic. so without really meaning to, her eyes slip closed. she'll probably fall asleep on him, or at the very least doze off a little as the music plays. relaxed. safe.
[ it's a little funny, that being dead has given fei du back some of the tools he's always had - and, really, some of the ones he doesn't really recognize that he has. he's able to provide for shenhe, able to make sure she has everything she could need to feel better, from a comfortable room to a comfortable place to sleep, to a quiet place away from the loud, loud noise of the rest of shibuya.
in reality, he's able to provide a safe harbor in his personality too. fei du, despite all of his fussing about it, despite his frosty cold exterior and kaleidoscope-like self, is a good person. he's a kind person, and he'll stay here with shenhe all night long if that's what helps her feel better. at one point, he reaches for the edge of the blankets to very gingerly and carefully pull them up and over their laps. otherwise, it's like when a cat falls asleep on you. you are chosen. you cannot move.
he doesn't move, just quietly plays patapon, and hopes the soothing rhythm does help shenhe rest. she probably needs it. ]
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[thankfully shenhe didn't go far - she's just sitting in the lobby, when he comes back. she's clean, sitting on a chair, hunched over, with towel pressed to her face. he might be able to see the spots of red on it, but that's the only blood that she's got on her now, at least.
she doesn't like this - it hurts, it feels like tiny daggers in her skull, but she can't stop doing it. crying is stupid, she can't even - get any catharsis out of it because it feels so bad to do.
but at least this time she is cognizant that someone is approaching, and she hurriedly tries to wipe her face before looking up at him, hesitant.
she doesn't want to make him sick again...]
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when he comes in the door, shenhe might notice a couple of things! first of all, he's changed into a different fancy boy outfit (did i really need to link this? no. did i want to? yes.) and second of all, he's got a big shopping bag over his arm. thirdly, his face shifts into surprise, and then realization, and then a brief flicker of shock, and then melts into something more familiar, a gentle smile. he looks like the tiniest bit green, but, it is a marked improvement from earlier. ]
... Your eyes are too pretty to have to cry like that. [ weh. it must be some kind of residual effect, or something - it sucks that she DIED and it didn't fix it, but he will keep that to himself. not for the first time wishing he had healing aura, he comes over, and offers her his free hand. ]
Come on.
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she pulls herself up to her feet when he comes over, and takes his hand without protest. her hand is shaking - from exhaustion, mostly, but also from the strain of keeping herself together long enough to be a human.]
I'm not... covered in blood. [she says, uncertainly. she knows she probably isn't because she feels clean and because he's not running for a trash can. but the mirror lied to her, so she's having problems with reality again.
she'll let him lead her.]
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[ hemophobia is extremely inconvenient except for this one time where it is completely helpful? nothing says reality like fei du doesn't look like he's gonna yartz.
he squeezes her hand, gently, when he feels it trembling, and then adjusts, slowing his step so he can let her put her hand on his arm, instead. he'll escort her back to the hotel room area, letting her lean on him if she wants, too. a gentleman, kind and steady. up to the room they go! he'll produce a keycard and open up the door to a room that is not full of other people.
it's just quiet. fei du's psp is sitting on the nightstand, charging, and the beds are neatly made: shenhe the duck is snoozing on the second bed in the pillows. ]
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it's quiet, and it's empty, and the relief in her entire body is palpable. she slumps against him when he opens the door, still trembling, holding onto him a little tightly. she can't handle being around a lot of people right now - she can barely handle being alive, let alone crowded.
she wipes her face with the towel again. and then slowly wanders into the room and sits down on the second bed. the urge to pet shenhe the duck is strong, but she doesn't want to wake her up rudely, so she doesn't, for now. instead...]
... I want to cover the mirrors. [she says, distantly, getting stuck as she stares at herself in the mirror over the dresser.]
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Alright. Go through that, and I'll take care of it in the meantime.
[ so he will do that! he just strips off the blankets from his bed and goes to start covering up the mirrors in the hotel room with those.
in the meantime, inside of the shopping bag are a few things: there's a set of extremely high quality, soft pajamas from the rich bitch store. there's a small bag from the drugstore that has painkillers and some bandages, some sore throat herbal cough drops. an extra blanket i feel like i read we had blankets. there's even a couple bottles of airplane sized alcohol in there. it's a little care package.
shenhe the duck rouses a little when someone sits down, lifting her head and then quacking softly and sleepily. hello. ]
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[oh noooooo this is so sweet... fei du!!!!
she tears her eyes away from her blood-soaked reflection when he starts moving, and looks through the bag. the alcohol is tempting... she doesn't like drinking, doesn't like the taste, but god, she's thinking about it, if only so she can sleep. nightmares are inevitable.
if fei du has any sensibilities they are not considered because when she pulls out the pajamas, she just strips where she is to put them on. normally she'd be a little more private, but he's - safe? he's safe. she can be vulnerable for a second around him. it doesn't take long to put on, and once she's wearing the pajamas, she turns on the bed and scoops shenhe the duck up to hug her.
hmmm, she's crying again.]
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anyway im not gonna lie to you that's exactly why fei du drinks so he'd understand it. that's probably why he included it! he's supposed to help shenhe cope but he is not going to succeed in teaching her how to do that entirely healthily because he sure as shit doesn't know how to. or, well, he does, but he sure as shit doesn't do it.
anyway. it doesn't take him too long to cover the mirrors. he's surprisingly handy with weird, fiddly little tasks - all delicate touches and careful fingers, using the edges of the mirrors to tuck the sheets in. he pulls the window curtains shut, too, just for safe measure, nudges the bathroom door mostly shut, and lets just the artificial lamplight light the quiet hotel room, instead.
if he has sensibilities, they aren't bothered. really, he doesn't. he has seen an unholy amount of women naked in his life and he's a gentleman and not tempted to look - when he glances back briefly to check on her he just turns his head back what he's doing and moves on. and by the time he's all finished, fei du comes over and sits down on the bed next to her. it's hard not take stock of the bloody tears, immediately - his stomach flips, but he ignores it - and he reaches for a box of tissues on the night stand, carefully balls one up, and goes to try and dab some of it away.
shenhe the duck is perfectly okay with this. it's safe and warm and snuggly so she just wiggles her little feet and tries to get comfortable again. ]
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the silence feels good. restorative. like being out in the city all day long, listening to people yelling and chattering, cars honking, city noise, overwhelming. like standing at a concert for hours and then finally going home and curling up on the couch, in the dark. her heartbeat thundering in her ears lets her know that she's alive, that she's here, that the beach is gone for now.
she jumps just a little when he wipes her tears, but. she lets him, with a little sniff.
it's relief, mostly. being here. it's relief, and exhaustion, and leftover horror. the way things settle when you're out of adrenaline. she just looks at him like she's - out of it, like she still can't focus.
it's a little demonic wet kitten, holding a duck, crying blood tears and looking like she's dissociating out of her mind.]
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shenhe the duck is good at dealing with people crying. unlike fei du. and probably unlike shenhe the person. but this is because shenhe the duck was born and then like, immediately spent at least half of her time with nahri, so when she can tell that shenhe the person is sad, she fluffs up her little feathers and snuggles up closer to her and into the pets. :(
fei du turns the tissues and gently wipes away the last little bit of tears, nudging away at the tracks on her face for his sake and her own. he's leaning back a little bit for the sake of not making this gross for either of them, but it doens't change the care in the gesture, or the way his straight brows are pinched together, or the little frown on his face. he'll take care of shenhe the way he took care of mother he, the way he's looked after chenchen, and so many other people - as carefully, as kindly as he can.
soothing and quiet, he regards the look on her face as one that's probably been on his own a thousand times, and takes a slow, deep breath. demonstrating, maybe. ]
I want you to do me a favor. Can you tell me three things you can see? Just right here.
[ please dont be a hallucination ]
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maybe it's not entirely on purpose, but the deep breath is a good model. she breathes in after he does, and then breathes out. follows it. slow and steady.
she looks at fei du, as he wipes her tears. and then looks around the room. stares, for a long, long moment at the other bed, at. something, and then looks away from it, back to him.]
Um. [not that. not wolfwood. something else.] Bed. You.
[a beat.] Duck.
[tucks shenya under her chin.]
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Good. [ a little crinkle to his eyes when he smiles, affirming, as he takes the tissue and holds it as far away from himself as physically possible to drop it in the trash. he tries to do this smoothly with mixed results, but he figures his poor traumatized wet bird won't judge him too much. ]
How about three things you can feel? Something you're touching, or something that's touching you. I might say I can feel the ground under my feet.
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she doesn't seem to mind him doing this - she knows he has trouble with blood and she feels bad for making him have to deal with it. at least the tears are starting to stop. she strokes a finger down shenya's back, and then:]
Her. [duck.] The floor. My clothes.
[she shivers a little. but she's a bit more present, thinking about what's touching her. she's here. she's not the axe, she's a person.
... still. she makes sure the axe is close to her.]
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[ it's working. he's a little hesitant to approach the other senses, but after a moment, reaches past her to pick his psp up off of the table. he flicks it on, letting the screen light up, the logos for the loading screens for patapon coming up as always, the music playing quietly in the room.
shenya makes a little noise and ruffles her feathers. content. ]
How about two things you can hear?
[ fei du glances past her, just briefly, to the axe. she'd called herself the divine axe of devastation - by now he's sort of figured out what might have happened, or at least, where she might have gone, but he makes no note of it for now. ]
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she watches him pick up the PSP. the tears have stopped by now, and she is so, so tired. so... she scoots a little closer, curling up at his side so she can see the screen. if he lets her, she will rest her head on his shoulder, duck in hand, watching him play.]
... Your game. [not the laughing from the bed next to her.] Your voice.
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anyway he lets her! of course he does. though fei du can sometimes be a little touch averse like a cat, he doesn't mind shenhe in his space at all. instead, he just lets her settle, lowering his shoulder to make it a little easier. shenya is content and happy, and fei du fires up the screen. ]
You're right here, right? [ here, in this moment, the best that you can be.
the patapons chirp as he pulls up a level, and he turns the volume up some. this is one of the ways fei du empties out his own brain when he needs it - patapon is easily and mindless and requires exactly enough of his concentration that it helps. and he's content just to sit with shenhe in the quiet like this, curled up and letting her come down and watch. ]
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[she doesn't know if she can express in words what he's doing for her.
he's warm, and shenya is settled, and the mirrors are covered. the game isn't too intense and the visuals are almost hypnotic. rhythmic. so without really meaning to, her eyes slip closed. she'll probably fall asleep on him, or at the very least doze off a little as the music plays. relaxed. safe.
she's here.]
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in reality, he's able to provide a safe harbor in his personality too. fei du, despite all of his fussing about it, despite his frosty cold exterior and kaleidoscope-like self, is a good person. he's a kind person, and he'll stay here with shenhe all night long if that's what helps her feel better. at one point, he reaches for the edge of the blankets to very gingerly and carefully pull them up and over their laps. otherwise, it's like when a cat falls asleep on you. you are chosen. you cannot move.
he doesn't move, just quietly plays patapon, and hopes the soothing rhythm does help shenhe rest. she probably needs it. ]