[ forced, he will look. his expression is very dull, but his emotions settle back into place again. void, void void. (something sad, underneath, unfathomably, impossibly sad.) ]
I was just telling the truth. I knew the whole time. I let you all run around in circles.
[ oh my god this like startles him into action completely. he jumps, and starts to half stand up, reaching for her -- all of his carefully guarded emotions burst into concern. ]
[ god just hit him with the fireball it might be easier
that genuine feelings tays for a minute longer. it's like he was going to squash it, going to go right back to numb nothingness after showing his sensitive underbelly, but he can't really stop it this time - his emotions go ???? and then scatter off like sparks, into affection and confusion and something that feels too heavy. the look on his face is like he's never heard those words, aside from wenzhou, in his entire life.
such a thin chest he has, that carries such a heavy heart. ]
... I know. [ he says, eventually. ] It's not - [ ... ] ... I'm not a good person.
[ooogh she could flick him. she could beat him up.]
I can, without hesitation, tell you that I am worse. [she says, voice annoyed.] An irredeemable person would not brush my hair and paint my nails to make me feel human.
[aka you're full of shit]
Good person or not, you have been kind to me, and I will return the favor. That means I won't stand and watch you be cruel to yourself.
An irredeemable person would not punch me in the chest to get me to stop talking during that situation, either. I think you left a bruise.
[ binch that goes both ways
he doesn't fight it that much, at least. agreeing even to what he's said was a lot, like removing the locks from a safe, but he's learned that around shenhe, he can at least start to do so. ]
I've done plenty crueler things to others. [ like matsui. like wenzhou. like tao ran. like his mother. ] ...but I understand what you're saying.
I won't argue with you about who is worse, either.
[she says that firmly enough. she has murdered so many random people, she knows she sucks, according to society. he understands what she's saying, so she lets that go, for now.
she moves to sit down on the bench.]
You deserve the bruise. You're lucky I didn't break your jaw. [hmph.]
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Stop trying to kill yourself.
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there's no guilt in his emotions - it's still the void mixed with a little bit of 'oh man she's really pissed' emotion. ]
It was too late. They already were leaning towards us.
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[she gets closer, taking his face in her hands. both hands. look at her.]
You know that's not what I'm angry about. Don't make me repeat myself.
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I was just telling the truth. I knew the whole time. I let you all run around in circles.
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You were not telling the truth. You were lying, because you didn't do it.
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It should have been me.
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No. [that's it, just no.] You are not built for that. You are not built to hold everybody's fury and devastation. This is not what you were made for.
[a pause. and she just - leans back? and she starts to unravel her red ropes.]
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Shenhe -- !
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What? You are self destructing. I might as well join you.
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[ genuine, fluttery worry. ] Please.
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she inhales. exhales. and puts the ropes back in place. he could tell her to do a lot of things, and she'd probably do it.]
I care about you, Fei Du.
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that genuine feelings tays for a minute longer. it's like he was going to squash it, going to go right back to numb nothingness after showing his sensitive underbelly, but he can't really stop it this time - his emotions go ???? and then scatter off like sparks, into affection and confusion and something that feels too heavy. the look on his face is like he's never heard those words, aside from wenzhou, in his entire life.
such a thin chest he has, that carries such a heavy heart. ]
... I know. [ he says, eventually. ] It's not - [ ... ] ... I'm not a good person.
[ it's not easy. ]
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I can, without hesitation, tell you that I am worse. [she says, voice annoyed.] An irredeemable person would not brush my hair and paint my nails to make me feel human.
[aka you're full of shit]
Good person or not, you have been kind to me, and I will return the favor. That means I won't stand and watch you be cruel to yourself.
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[ binch that goes both ways
he doesn't fight it that much, at least. agreeing even to what he's said was a lot, like removing the locks from a safe, but he's learned that around shenhe, he can at least start to do so. ]
I've done plenty crueler things to others. [ like matsui. like wenzhou. like tao ran. like his mother. ] ...but I understand what you're saying.
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[she says that firmly enough. she has murdered so many random people, she knows she sucks, according to society. he understands what she's saying, so she lets that go, for now.
she moves to sit down on the bench.]
You deserve the bruise. You're lucky I didn't break your jaw. [hmph.]
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Not the face...
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I would have healed it afterward.
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when she looks back, he's smiling a little though, and it's a bit more honest. ] That's fair.
[ ... ] Thank you.
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You're welcome. [just a touch gentle. she doesn't smile back, but her expression is relaxed, and her emotions have settled, too.]