[It was all so complicated. He'd been so upset by her loss, so frustrated about failing to bring her justice, then trapped into protecting her killers no sooner than he'd left a nearly catatonic Nahri and a solemn Vash and Wolfwood praying for Shenhe's lost soul. He'd wanted them to hear it--but not the way that Nahri did, secondhand from someone completely uninvolved in the whole thing.
It's been hard to look her team in the eyes, so certain they'd see the guilt and heartache written on his face.]
...I tried to keep them safe after that. I wish I could've managed it until the end. [But obviously whatever happened between Wolfwood and Kyoko was completely unrelated to anything else, and there are only so many ways he can intervene.
He takes an unsteady breath.]
It'll be enough. It has to be. [That's the only way any of this will have been worth it.] But I wish you hadn't been hurt for it.
[she says, firmly. because she doesn't want kaveh to blame himself for something he didn't do. however much he twists himself into knots, he wasn't responsible for her death and she refuses to let him think about it that way. still.]
It'll be enough. [...] I have forgiven Gerard as much as I am able. I will do what has to be done. But I will always be angry to have my life taken from me. I will not be told otherwise.
[not that she necessarily thinks that's what kaveh is doing, she just wants it to be clear, because she's Heard Some Shit in her letters.]
[Yeah, he is the last person who is going to argue with her about that.]
That's your right. [Easily.] Nahida and I--we told them that forgiveness wasn't ours to give. And I tried to remind them--that you, and the others, supported them because you had to.
[Even if they might've chosen to place their hopes on Froggystyle willingly, had the circumstances been different--in the end, the choice was taken from them. From her. He still loves and cares about Ylfa and Haru, but he's tried to make sure they remember that harm has been done, no matter their intentions.]
[that means a lot. because she cares about them too - ylfa, and haru, and even gerard, despite everything. she hasn't fought too hard on this, because it's been necessary, and she's nothing if not pragmatic, but after weeks of learning how to feel and how to be human, she'd be lying if she wasn't conflicted.
she'd spoken to nahri, earlier, and it'd broken her heart to hear everything that's happened.]
I was lucky that my killer being caught did not hurt the plan. [a beat.] Both Ylfa and Gerard have assured me that I do not have to forgive them and they don't expect it. This made me feel better.
Yes... well, after we found out, we didn't have much choice but to see things through. So we've done our best to look out for them. Justice, too, once we found out they were the other top team. [Kaveh would have done that regardless, though, because he loves Livio to death. I think about the week Kaveh was allowed to check all three triguns as if he ever would've doxxed any of them.] I think most people understood the stakes by the time it really began to matter.
[Except maybe TBD. But. That was dealt with, so it's fine.]
But I'm glad. I think they mean it. [They're good people, despite it all.]
[she's quiet, for a moment, staring out to... wherever she is.]
I wish that I could have stayed alive. [just. kind of an absent thought.] Seeing things through is noble and the right thing to do, but I am very tired of being nice.
[she's been on her best behavior and it turns out doing the right thing is exhausting when you're used to doing whatever the hell you want whenever.]
[It's probably a good thing the emotionshare doesn't go both ways, because she deserves better than having to feel the sheer levels of sorrow coming off of him right now.]
I wish you could have too. [Kaveh is the sort to do the good and noble right thing regardless, if he can, and it's likely he would've spent a lot of time trying to be her morality leash--but they'll never know, now, and that doesn't change the fact that he's missed her either way. Even if they all make it back to Teyvat, he's never not going to be upset when he remembers that she was killed.] I miss home.
[poor kaveh this was the wrong game for you please go to therapy
she looks back to him.]
I miss home, too. But - I would have never met you, I think, if it weren't for here. [...] So when we return, I'd like to come to Sumeru. I want to spend time with you and Nahida.
[He really deserved to be in superhell instead but here we are
His expression softens, though.]
Of course, we'd love to see you. Whenever you want, you're welcome to come by. [If Alhaitham can bring random guests over without notice, so can he!!!] I can't imagine Nahida feeling any differently.
[He feels a little bad that she'll have to say goodbye to Nahri, but. It feels mean to mention that even to express sympathy, so he doesn't.]
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[It was all so complicated. He'd been so upset by her loss, so frustrated about failing to bring her justice, then trapped into protecting her killers no sooner than he'd left a nearly catatonic Nahri and a solemn Vash and Wolfwood praying for Shenhe's lost soul. He'd wanted them to hear it--but not the way that Nahri did, secondhand from someone completely uninvolved in the whole thing.
It's been hard to look her team in the eyes, so certain they'd see the guilt and heartache written on his face.]
...I tried to keep them safe after that. I wish I could've managed it until the end. [But obviously whatever happened between Wolfwood and Kyoko was completely unrelated to anything else, and there are only so many ways he can intervene.
He takes an unsteady breath.]
It'll be enough. It has to be. [That's the only way any of this will have been worth it.] But I wish you hadn't been hurt for it.
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[she says, firmly. because she doesn't want kaveh to blame himself for something he didn't do. however much he twists himself into knots, he wasn't responsible for her death and she refuses to let him think about it that way. still.]
It'll be enough. [...] I have forgiven Gerard as much as I am able. I will do what has to be done. But I will always be angry to have my life taken from me. I will not be told otherwise.
[not that she necessarily thinks that's what kaveh is doing, she just wants it to be clear, because she's Heard Some Shit in her letters.]
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That's your right. [Easily.] Nahida and I--we told them that forgiveness wasn't ours to give. And I tried to remind them--that you, and the others, supported them because you had to.
[Even if they might've chosen to place their hopes on Froggystyle willingly, had the circumstances been different--in the end, the choice was taken from them. From her. He still loves and cares about Ylfa and Haru, but he's tried to make sure they remember that harm has been done, no matter their intentions.]
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[that means a lot. because she cares about them too - ylfa, and haru, and even gerard, despite everything. she hasn't fought too hard on this, because it's been necessary, and she's nothing if not pragmatic, but after weeks of learning how to feel and how to be human, she'd be lying if she wasn't conflicted.
she'd spoken to nahri, earlier, and it'd broken her heart to hear everything that's happened.]
I was lucky that my killer being caught did not hurt the plan. [a beat.] Both Ylfa and Gerard have assured me that I do not have to forgive them and they don't expect it. This made me feel better.
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Yes... well, after we found out, we didn't have much choice but to see things through. So we've done our best to look out for them. Justice, too, once we found out they were the other top team. [Kaveh would have done that regardless, though, because he loves Livio to death. I think about the week Kaveh was allowed to check all three triguns as if he ever would've doxxed any of them.] I think most people understood the stakes by the time it really began to matter.
[Except maybe TBD. But. That was dealt with, so it's fine.]
But I'm glad. I think they mean it. [They're good people, despite it all.]
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I wish that I could have stayed alive. [just. kind of an absent thought.] Seeing things through is noble and the right thing to do, but I am very tired of being nice.
[she's been on her best behavior and it turns out doing the right thing is exhausting when you're used to doing whatever the hell you want whenever.]
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I wish you could have too. [Kaveh is the sort to do the good and noble right thing regardless, if he can, and it's likely he would've spent a lot of time trying to be her morality leash--but they'll never know, now, and that doesn't change the fact that he's missed her either way. Even if they all make it back to Teyvat, he's never not going to be upset when he remembers that she was killed.] I miss home.
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she looks back to him.]
I miss home, too. But - I would have never met you, I think, if it weren't for here. [...] So when we return, I'd like to come to Sumeru. I want to spend time with you and Nahida.
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His expression softens, though.]
Of course, we'd love to see you. Whenever you want, you're welcome to come by. [If Alhaitham can bring random guests over without notice, so can he!!!] I can't imagine Nahida feeling any differently.
[He feels a little bad that she'll have to say goodbye to Nahri, but. It feels mean to mention that even to express sympathy, so he doesn't.]
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... Good. I'm glad. I'd like to share a meal with you. [because this is what you do with friends, she has learned.]
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He smiles, and starts to reach out to touch her--then falters, dropping his hand when he remembers he can't. Ugh.]
Have you discovered any new foods you like?
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Donuts. [she says, immediately and without hesitation.]
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Those pastries from the coffee shops, right? The ones that look like rings?